Shooting Blanks

No, this isn't what you're thinking.

Keith doesn't have a problem in his pants.

Mom has a problem in her front yard.

She has the best tree in town, probably in the whole county. Maybe even in the state.

It's a giant white oak. Huge. The Keebler Elves would have plenty of room to add a line of gourmet dog treats if they were working in this tree.

Have you ever heard the saying about a tiny acorn becoming a mighty oak? Well this mighty oak produces acorns like nobody's business. They're falling hard and they're falling fast. They're all over her yard. When they hit the roof of the carport it sounds like incoming artillery. My brother-in-law Duke was loading a box into my trunk & one smacked him right in the back. He said it was like a shot from a paintball gun.

Duke decided to get even with the oak tree by shoveling up a bunch of it's acorns and taking them to a nursery that buys nuts and seeds.

Get a little payback.

Unfortunately, the lady at the nursery wouldn't touch his nuts.

It seems there's an insect, a moth or fly or something, that's been laying eggs on all the acorns, which turn into acorn-hungry larvae. Those sneaky little bastards did a dine-&-dash. All the acorns that are falling right now are just empty shells.

I guess you could say the tree's been castrated.

The lady at the nursery said there are probably acorns still on the tree that haven't been infected by whatever evil acorn-eating larvae is involved. She said you can tell the blanks by dumping them in a bucket of water. Full ones sink and the empties float.

Plus, when you step on the empty ones they just crumble, but when you step on the full ones it's like stepping on rocks.

Of course, if you want to plant the little acorns and let them turn into mighty oaks stomping on them isn't the best way to go.