Sassafras, Part 71

Rick


I remembered those good old days. Anything I wanted, I found a way to steal. I even stole a car. Back then, way back in the 80’s, everything wasn’t as computer oriented as it is now, so I had to make sure the dealer was modern enough to be on-line. Once I picked my mark I got a part-time job washing cars there. I looked over the cars on the lot, picking out which one I wanted. I needed a nice car, but not one so eye-catching anybody would notice it was gone. Once I picked my car I washed it and parked it right by the side entrance, then kept the key when I left. I went home and deleted everything about that car from the dealer’s inventory, then printed up new copies of any paperwork the dealer would have had that would have mentioned the car. Then I even hacked into Chevy and deleted everything about that car there. Suddenly that car just disappeared. The next morning the security guard opened all the gates, even though only the service department was open. Since there weren’t any salesmen, nobody saw me walk up from the diner across the street, get in ‘my’ car and drive away. That night I went to work like nothing happened and replaced the paperwork mentioning the car I took.

“But I didn’t just steal. I was a complete pig. That guy you told me about, the one that said you were convenient? He was me on a good day. I was a bad man, Joan. A bad husband. I was never exactly a one-woman man.” I remembered what a self-centered jerk I used to be. I used to pick up women in bars all the time, even after I was married. The best pick-up line is $50. I would pick out a woman, buy her a drink, then pay with a fifty and tell the bartender to keep the change. That never failed to impress. They never knew I was friends with the bartender. When I got my drink the change was folded inside the napkin he handed me. Women who wouldn’t look at me twice if they knew who I really was would be all over me once they started thinking I had money. Sad but true. Of course, you have to take into consideration the class of women I was likely to find hanging out in bars.

“I feel so sorry for Dana, what I put her through. How I made her feel. I treated her like crap, and she put up with it for seven years. I was constantly cheating on her. At first I tried to hide it, but then I realized it didn’t matter. She knew. She just didn’t care. As long as she had money she was happy, and I made her very happy.”

“At least I thought she was happy. We used to fight every now and then. I’d call her a bitch and she’d tell me to fuck off and die. Nothing serious. One night we had our usual fight. I was going to spend the weekend with my latest girlfriend, but Saturday was Josh’s birthday. For some crazy reason Dana thought I should stay home, but I left anyway. The woman I was supposed to meet never showed up, so I decided to go back home. Josh and Crystal were in the living room watching cartoons. Dana was in our bedroom lying down.”

“I thought she was sleeping. Until I noticed she’d thrown up on the bed and was just laying in it. And then I saw the bottle of pills on the table. She spent all weekend in the hospital. I don’t even know where Josh and Crystal were that weekend. I didn’t care about them, and I didn’t care about her. All I cared about was myself. I was mad at my girlfriend for standing me up and ruining my weekend. I was mad at Dana for trying to kill herself, and even madder at her because I thought she might end up a vegetable and then I’d have to take care of her the rest of my life and that would really suck. She would rather die than be my wife, and all I could think of was myself.”

“About a week later she saw a lawyer. I didn’t fight the divorce. I gave her everything she asked for. After all, I almost killed her. I was her husband. I was supposed to take care of her. I was supposed to love her and protect her and take care of her, but I didn’t. I shouldn’t have left that night. If I had been there….”

She put her hand over mine. “Rick, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t make her do anything. It wasn’t your fault. If you had been there she wouldn’t have done it that night, but sooner or later there would have been something else. Rick, you didn’t almost kill her, you saved her life. If you hadn’t gone back home and found her she might really have died, but you saved her. You didn’t know what she was going to do. She must have been really depressed. She was probably thinking about suicide for a long time. There were probably a lot of little things that all added up. That fight was just the last straw for her.”

“But I was her husband, Joan. I should have known. I was supposed to take care of her, not make her so miserable she would rather die than live with me. It was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Rick. And besides, you’re not like that anymore. I’m not stupid. I know what you were like. I‘ve dated your kind, but you’re different now. You said so yourself.” She held her hand against my face, looking into my eyes. “When I look at you, I don’t see the man you were. I see the man you are now. I see a good man.” She pressed her hand against my chest. “Remember? You have a good heart. I can feel it.”