Sassafras, Part 52

Joan

I stood in the doorway and watched Rick drive away. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said before he left. We could move anywhere in Missouri. We could move. We. He said we. That may not sound like much, but that was the first time I started thinking there might really be a we, if that makes sense. I couldn’t deny I had been attracted to him from the moment I saw him, and the more I was with him the more I liked him, but I never expected anything permanent. Hoped, maybe. Expected, no. I just knew better. There was me and there was Rick, but there wasn’t us. But he said we. He just assumed we. His glass was half full, and my glass was half empty. I think my glass might even be cracked and leaking.

Of course, there was another word he hadn’t said. He never said he loved me. Actually, he never even said he liked me that I could remember. Just that he wanted me. I didn’t think he was using me, but that didn’t mean anything. That was the way most of my relationships turned out. It would gradually dawn on me that the guy I thought was so perfect had somehow turned into a complete asshole. But Rick wasn’t like that. At least I hoped he wasn’t. I just didn’t know if I was brave enough to take a chance. I’d been wrong before. Every time. Every damn time. It made me wonder if I was cursed.

I don’t know how long I stood there in the doorway, staring at nothing, before I closed the door and turned around. Billy was sitting at the kitchen table, cards spread out in front of him. I put a coffee mug in the microwave and got down a box of herb tea. “What are you doing?”

“I’m doing a tarot reading.”

“Are those tarot cards?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. I didn’t know you could read cards.”

“Mom taught me. She said I was a natural. She has four or five decks.” He stopped smiling and picked up the cards. “She had four or five decks. This one was her favorite.”

“Can I look at it?”

“Sure. I could give you a reading if you’d like.”

“Neat! I never had a tarot reading. Do I need to do anything?”

He handed me the deck. “Think about a question. Try to make it a simple question. If it’s too complicated the reading won’t make any sense.”

“Do I have to tell you the question?”

”You don’t have to, but it would be better if you did. I might be able to think of a better way to ask it. Plus, there are some questions Mom said you shouldn’t ask, like things about other people. She said that was an invasion of privacy.”

“Okay, how about who killed your mom?”

“No, that’s what I was just asking about, but the cards didn’t make any sense, and you can’t just keep asking the same question over and over until you like the reading you get.”

“How about should I stay in New York or move back here?”

“Okay, that would work. Let me think of a spread.” He flipped over a page in a small notebook and wrote down my question, then jotted numbers across the bottom of the page. Next to each number he wrote a word or two.

“Alright, concentrate on your question and start shuffling the cards. Stop whenever you feel like it and put down the deck.” It was kind of hard to shuffle the cards. They were bigger than regular playing cards, and didn’t fit in my hands very well. I only shuffled a few times then set the cards down. “Okay, now cut the deck into three piles.” He picked the cards back up and put five of them on the table.

“There are three Major Arcana cards and a court card. That’s a lot for a five card spread, so that means this is an important decision. The Devil and the Seven of Wands represent New York. That isn’t all bad. It means that you are really dedicated to what you do, almost to the point of obsession, but you have to fight to get what you want. The Moon and the King of Swords represent Sassafras. Mom used to love getting the Moon card. She said it always made her think of romantic moonlit nights. That’s not the traditional meaning, but in this deck there’s a dog and a wolf, and she said she always thought about that old Disney movie, the Lady and the Tramp. Plus there’s a king in Sassafras.” He looked at me for a second and raised his eyebrows. “I wonder who the cards could be talking about?”

I was pretty impressed with the cards so far. That hadn’t really told me anything I didn’t already know, but still, it was right on the money. I never believed in things like tarot cards and horoscopes before, but this was almost spooky. Of course, I didn’t know what the cards meant. He could just be telling me a line of bull to try to convince me to move back to Sassafras.

”I’m not sure about the last card, the Sun. It’s supposed to show something that will help you decide which choice is better. The Sun can mean energy and optimism, everything going your way. I don’t know. I’m just not sure about this card. It feels hazy. The rest of the cards were easy to understand, their meanings jumped right out at me, but this card is holding back something. It’s hard to explain. Mom said I was a natural, I could feel the cards, but I can’t feel this card. Usually when a card is stubborn like this later on something happens and it suddenly makes sense. Just keep your eyes out for anything sunny.”

“Or a naked baby riding a horse, I guess?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think you’ll see a naked baby on a horse in New York or Sassafras. What do you think of your reading?”

“I liked it. Tell me more about my king.”

“Well, he’s a smart man. He’s not a real emotional, romantic man, he’s more the practical, logical sort. He likes to talk his way out of problems instead of fighting. He’s probably a Libra, Aquarius, or Gemini. He’s a good man to go to for advice, because he’ll be able to see all sides of the problem and probably come up with a couple of different solutions. He’s also got a good imagination, and a good sense of humor, so he could be the life of the party, telling jokes and making people laugh. Does that sound like anybody you know?”

I could swear I saw him try not to smile. “You’re just making all this up, aren’t you?”

“No, I swear. You shuffled the deck. I can get one of Mom’s books and show you what it says about these cards. Except the meaning for the Moon card wouldn’t be the same as the meaning in the book. You don’t have to believe this if you don’t want to, but I didn’t make it up.”