Sassafras, Part 48

Joan


After Rick finally set me back down we just stood there holding on to each other. I wasn’t sure I could stand up without him. He was running his hands through my hair, caressing my shoulders, my back, trailing his hands up my arms where they were wrapped around his waist. I nuzzled my face up against his chest hair. I didn’t know if I would ever get used to him having such a hairy chest. Every time I saw it I wanted to run my fingers through it, feel it tickling against my cheek. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feeling of his hands moving over my body. Sometimes it felt like he was barely touching me, but most of the time I could feel his hands pressing me to him, kneading my dress against my skin.

Then the real world started intruding on my consciousness. I was barefoot, and the concrete step I was standing on was cold. I could hear Tony and his friends still giving us suggestions, and somebody else yelling at them to shut up. There were people laughing on a TV somewhere, and there was also a radio playing a country song. The wind picked up, billowing my dress out like a sail. “You’re freezing,” Rick said when he felt me start to shiver. “Why don’t we go back inside and get dressed?”

His fan club booed when we started walking up the stairs. “We’ll be down in a minute,” he told them but they just laughed.

“I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of your friends,” I said as we walked.

“Them? Don’t worry about it.”

“So, what do I have to do to join this fan club of yours?”

“Well, I think I can put in a good word for you with the review committee. You’ll still have to fill out the application and write the essay, but that’s just a formality.”

“Write an essay? Gee, I don’t know. Couldn’t you pull some strings for me? I’d be ever so grateful.”

“How grateful?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“You could kiss me again.”

“But I already kissed you. Twice. Isn’t it your turn to kiss me?”

“You’re the one who wants the VIP treatment.”

“You drive a hard bargain. What do I get if I join your fan club, anyway?”

“You get your official Colonel Hogan ID card, the secret decoder ring, and tickets to the annual Colonel Hogan Appreciation Day festival. Plus I’ll teach you the secret handshake. And don’t forget, you get to kiss me, too.”

“Does everybody in your fan club get to kiss you?”

“Just the people at the VIP level.”

“How many VIPs are there?”

“None yet. It’s a very exclusive level.”

“I was right, you are full of shit.”

“So, does that mean you won’t kiss me again?”

“I didn’t say that, did I?”

“So you will kiss me?”

“I didn’t say that, either. I think this is all just a ploy to get me to kiss you again.”

“I’m not sure I like your attitude. I don’t think you’re serious about joining.”

“Alright already. If you’re going to be such a baby about it I’ll kiss you just to shut you up.” I guess the rest of his fan club had been hoping for an encore, because when I reached up and kissed him again I heard them start clapping and whistling. “There, are you satisfied now?”

He opened the door to his apartment and waved me inside. “No, not yet, but I like your attitude a lot better now.”

I laughed. “So, are you going to show me the secret handshake?”

He picked his coat up and put it over my shoulders. “Maybe after you warm up.”

“Thanks. It’s getting cold outside.” I followed him to his dresser where he pulled a black sweatshirt with a big yellow M on the front out of a drawer and pulled it on before slipping on a pair of old sneakers. I was surprised how much I missed the sight of his hairy chest.

“Yeah, the weather man said a front is going to move in tonight. It’s supposed to rain tomorrow.”

“No, not tomorrow. There’s nothing more depressing than rain at a funeral.”

“What time does the funeral start?”

“1:30. After that everybody is going to Don’s. He’s closing for the afternoon. I think the whole town is going to be at Jenny’s funeral. Everybody but you.”

He put his arms around me and stroked my hair. “You know I would be there if I could.”

I slipped my hands around his waist. “I know. I just missed you so much today. I want to spend as much time with you as I can before I have to leave.”

“I wish you weren’t leaving.”

“I can’t stay here.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Don’t start, Rick. This is going to be hard for me. Don’t make it harder.”

“Then don’t leave.”

“I don’t want to argue about this.”

“Then just listen.” He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “I don’t want you to leave, Joan. I don’t think you really want to leave. All I’m asking is for you to think about staying. Please, Joan, just think about it. I don’t want you to stay here if you’ll be miserable, but I know I’ll be miserable here without you. Please, just say you’ll think about it. I don’t want to have to dig a tunnel all the way to New York.”

I wanted to stay. Really, I did, but the idea terrified me. It sounds strange, but I felt safe in New York. I knew what to expect. I was in control. I had a good job and an apartment all my own. I wouldn’t have anything if I moved back. There weren’t any jobs in Sassafras, and I didn’t know if I could live in Jenny’s house. It was so full of Jenny I kept expecting to see her every time I turned around. If I moved back, I would be giving up everything, my whole life. All for a man I met two days ago. The idea was crazy.

But I wanted to stay.