Sassafras, Part 28

Joan



He was looking at me, and I liked how it made me feel. I felt so happy I could hardly stand it. I didn’t care if he was an ex-con, or what was going to happen tomorrow. All that mattered was that moment, and as far as I was concerned that moment was completely perfect. I leaned against him like he suggested earlier, put my arms around him and just soaked up how wonderful everything felt. I could feel his hair against my cheek, and smell his aftershave. His arms felt so strong around me, pulling me even closer to him. I felt him brush my hair back and start kissing my neck, my cheek, and then we were kissing each other.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that, kissing each other and touching each other. I hadn’t felt like that in years, and I didn’t want to ever stop. When I felt his hand slide up under my sweater and his fingers started tracing around the lace on my bra I felt like I was going to melt. I knew if we didn’t stop then we never would, so I pushed away from him.

“No,” I said, “stop. We can’t do this. I don’t want Billy to walk in and see us like this.”

He hesitated, then sighed and slowly brought his hand back down and out of my blouse. He kissed me again, then just held me for a moment before sliding me backwards off his lap until I was sitting on the couch next to him, his arm still curled around my shoulder. “Is this better?” he asked and kissed my forehead.

“Perfect,” I approved, tucking my feet up on the couch under my skirt and sliding my arm around his waist.

“Where is Bill?” he asked while he picked the ice cubes up off the cushion and put them back in the plastic bag, then held it back up to his temple.

"He's next door with some of his friends. At your boss’s house, actually. I don't know when he'll come back here tonight. We're not getting along very well. I've hardly seen him since I moved to New York eight years ago. I don't know how to talk to him.”

"It's hard to loose your mom," he said. "I’m sure he misses her a lot. You just have to give him some time."

"I don't know how much time I can give him. I have to get back to New York."

"When will you have to leave?"

"I don't know. The funeral is Sunday, but I still have to do something with this house. I really need to get it ready to put on the market, but it needs a lot of work. I was looking at it yesterday, and it needs paint, the roof is in pretty bad shape, there are a couple of really big cracks in the driveway. I don't know about the heater or air conditioner. I wouldn't be surprised if they are both 20 years old and on their last breath."

"Well, it sounds like you're going to be staying here a while. Why don't you just move here? Don't you like Sassafras?"

I had to think about that for a minute. "I hated it when I was growing up. I wanted the big city life, not this hick nowhere town. I couldn't wait to get out of here. I wanted to be where things were happening, and nothing ever happened here. The biggest thing that happened when I was in high school was when the tire dump caught on fire and burned for two months."

"Yeah, but didn't you miss your family and friends?"

"It sounds bad, but no. My dad died when I was 14, and my mom wasn't around much. She was always at work after he died. I do miss Jenny. I wish I'd seen her more often. I kept trying to get her and Billy to come up to New York so I could show them around, but they never came up. I don't know how I'm going to convince him to come to New York with me. He thinks he can stay here by himself, but there's no way. He's just a kid, but he thinks he's a man."

"Trust me, every boy thinks he's a man. You just have to give him some time. Do you know where he was the night his mother died?”

“I don’t know. I think he was out with the boys next door. Why?”

“I don’t know. It just seems strange that his mom never came home and he didn’t even miss her.”

“Oh, she worked a lot of nights at Don’s. He probably thought she had picked up a shift or something. She was always working. I really miss her.”

We were both silent for a few minutes. “What was it like?” I asked finally. “You know, in prison.”

“It wasn’t as exciting as in the movies. Mostly it was boring. Seeing the same people, doing the same things, day after day for month after month. The food really sucked. I spent most of my money in the commissary buying snacks so I wouldn’t have to eat the food in the cafeteria.”

“How long were you in prison?”

“Seven years and four months. And I was lucky to get out. I was sentenced to ten years, but I was able to get out early. Even if I had to do the whole ten years I would have still been lucky. The prosecutors had enough evidence against me I could have ended up with 25 years. I was guilty, very guilty. I knew it, the police knew it, the prosecutors knew it, everybody knew it. My parents were able to get me a decent lawyer, so I just pled guilty and hoped for the best. I couldn’t pay for my own lawyer because the first thing the prosecutors did was seize all my money.”

“Did you have a roommate?”

“No,” he laughed, “I had cellmates. Three of them. Our cell was about the size of this room. As soon as they unlocked the doors in the morning I would get out of there and hang out in the day room. For a while I had a job in the kitchen but the supervisor and I didn’t get along, and then for a while I worked in the woodshop refinishing furniture but I couldn’t stand the smell of all the chemicals.”

“Were you ever in any fights?”

“A few.”

“Did you get hurt?”

“Only twice.” He took my hand and ran my fingers over a scar in his hair in back of his left ear. “That’s where a guy kicked me. I was in the infirmary for three days after that.” Then he put my hand on his right wrist and twisted his hand around. I felt something move back and forth. “Two guys held me against the wall with my arm against the door frame while their buddy slammed the door on it a couple of times. One of the guys holding me against the wall was one of my cellmates. Now I have a pin in my wrist. I was just lucky the door hit my wrist and not my hand or everybody would be calling me Lefty now.”

“Did you ever hurt anybody?”

He was silent for a minute. “Yes,” he finally said. “I hurt some people. If I didn’t hurt them they would have hurt me. I never just went around looking for a fight. I was more of a practical joker. The guards learned to keep on their toes around me.”

I decided I didn’t really want to learn any more about prison. “Where are you really from?”

He looked relieved that I was changing the subject. “I was born in Lawrence, Kansas, but I grew up in Kansas City, Missouri. I went to college in Columbia, Missouri, then moved to St. Louis.”

“How did you end up in Sassafras?”

“It’s not that easy to get a job after you get out of prison. I was lucky Catholic Charities was able to get Mr. Kennedy to give me a job. The Monte Vista was the cheapest place I could find to rent, so here I am.”

“Which place did you like the best?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember much about Lawrence. I liked Kansas City, but I was just a kid. Columbia sucked, but St. Louis was cool. Sassafras isn’t too bad, you just have to make your own entertainment. Which place do you like best, New York or Sassafras?”

“Oh, New York, definitely. I can’t wait to go back.”

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. It felt so nice to just be able to sit and relax with him, not have to try and impress him or fight him off. We talked some more, and then the pizza deliveryman showed up. I tried to pay for it but Rick insisted he was paying.

We were sitting at the table eating the pizza when the phone rang. “Hello, can I talk to Bill?”

“Bill’s not here right now. He’s across the street at the Kennedy’s house. Can I take a message and have him call you when he gets back?”

“This is Steve, he’s not over here. He left right after dinner. He said he was going home to get on-line and find out how to pass level 17 then come back. We’re still trying to figure out how to get past the gatekeeper.”

“He never came over here. How long ago did he leave?”

“It was over an hour ago. Maybe an hour and a half.”

“Are you sure he said he was coming over here?”

“Yeah, that’s what he said. He knew a web site that had all kinds of tips for our game. He was going to copy some of them and bring them back. We’ve been stuck on this level since 4:30.”

“Well, he’s not here right now, but when he gets in I’ll have him call. If he comes back over there will you have him call me?” Where could he be? I hung up the phone and walked to the door. It was dark, and I couldn’t see anything past the corner of the yard.

Rick walked up in back of me and put his arms around me. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

“Billy’s missing. He was over at the Kennedy’s when I got home, and now he’s gone.” I pointed across the street. “That’s where your boss lives. Billy plays with his three boys all the time. I thought he was over there, but he’s gone. They don’t know where he is.”

“It’s Friday night. He’s a normal 15-year-old boy. He’s probably hanging out with his friends somewhere. Why don’t you come back and sat down? He’ll probably show up before we finish the pizza.”

“I don't feel like eating any more pizza. I want to go out and look for him. What if something happened to him?”

"Don't worry about him," Rick said, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to sit around waiting for him to come home. What if the same thing that happened to Jenny happened to him?

“But he’s gone. I’ve got to find him.”

"You should just stay here, Joan, and wait for him to come home. If you're out looking for him, how will you know if he comes home? He could be asleep in bed and you would still be out in the cold looking for him."

"Well, you could go looking for him."

"He'll be fine, Joan, just relax."

"But what if something happened to him? I've got to go find him."

I was so upset and frustrated I wanted to cry. Rick told me he'd stay with me until Billy came home. "He'll be fine," he said and kissed the top of my head. I was still wound up, and started fidgeting and biting my lip. Rick tilted my head back and kissed me. I tried to back away from him but he pulled me closer and held me, repeating that Billy was going to be fine.