More About Work

There are some listings that I really like. The other day I had a call for somebody wanting the number of Recal, just like in the science fiction movie Total Recal. There actually is a business named Recal, but I doubt if it can implant fake memeories. Of course, you never know. One day I got a call requesting the number of a bar called the Screaming Chicken Saloon. Right after that I got a call for a restaurant called the Squatting Chicken. The stupidest business I've ever heard of is Rent A Tire. I think I might have blogged about that already, but it's stupid enought for two entries. I mean come on, who would rent tires? I think my newest favorite business request is something called Skank World. I have no idea what kind of business it is, and I don't remember where it was listed. Then there was the lady looking for somebody who lived on Manlove Street. Personally, I could think of about a gazillion better names for a street than Manlove Street. And a couple of days ago somebody called up asking for a restaurant. He had an accent, and it sounded like he wanted the Testes Cafe, but it was the Tastee Cafe.

There is one guy that calls constantly. I don't know what he does for a living, but apparently he needs a lot of people's phone numbers to do it. I wish every caller was as nice and professional as this man. He's my favorite caller. He always wants two listings, and they are usually in the same city. He pronounes the names perfectly, and spells the unusual ones without me having to ask. I always try to find the listings he wants, but I know if I can't find them he will understand and not whine about how he knows they live there, I just haven't looked hard enough, and I'm probably not spelling it right, and he wants to speak to my supervisor because I'm obviously incompetent. Every time he calls I want to say hi and ask him what his name is, where does he work, does he wear boxers or briefs.

Oh, I forgot to write about my favorite Halloween call. About a week or two before Halloween I got a call from some old lady trying to get the phone number for a mausoleum. Not so unusual, but she needed the number because somehow her granddaughter or neice or somebody had gotten left inside at closing time and was locked in. I was able to find the number of the mausoleum, but she said she already had that number and nobody was answering because they were closed and everybody was gone. Except her granddaughter. I finally ended up giving her the number to the police.

I have been working for 411 for 6 months now, and I already have a bad habit. I talk back to my callers. Not while they are on the line with me, but after I hit the send button if they bugged me I mutter something witty and brilliant, like 'You dumbass' or something. Some people just get on my nerves. The people who want the McDonald's on Elm in Dallas, even though there isn't a McDonald's listed on Elm. There can be 50 McDonald's listed on other streets, but they need that particular one. I've got a news flash for you, the one you're looking for is propably listed on the cross street, and if you don't know the cross street I can't give you the number you want. Telling me it's next to the mall doesn't really help, either.

Some people bug me because they want a listing for a business on a certain street, and I'll find two listings on different streets. They insist it's there on the street they said, so I look and look, checking nearby cities and different spellings of the name. Then when I finally give up and tell them I only have that business listed on the two streets I mentioned at the beginning, they suddenly realize that one of those listings is what they wanted all along. Of course, they never apologize for acting like jerks and treating me like a moron. They still act like it's my fault for wasting their time.

One thing I have to watch out for is people who are looking for residential listings for people named Richard. A couple of times I've had to catch myself right before I told the callers I don't have a Dick.

There are also some people who just bug me. Like the people who want to chit chat instead of just getting their number and hanging up. I don't care why you want the phone number of Autozone. I don't care why you want to talk to your long lost cousin who you haven't seen since you both went to summer camp and both of you got busted skinnydipping with the counselors. Other people who bug me are the ones who don't want to cooperate with the automated system. It makes my life so much easier if you just step into the 21st Century like the rest of the world. Just say what city and state you want, don't cuss out the machine. And going on and on about wanting to talk to an operator doesn't help any, either. The longer you talk the longer the computer listens to you. As soon as you stop talking the computer sends you to the operator, so if you want to talk to an operator just shut the hell up, okay?

One last whine before I post this. I've been looking at the other operators, and I'm a little worried about what I see. Some of them are on the wide side. When I say they are on the wide side I really mean it. I don't know how some of them fit into their chairs without taking off the arm rests. When they walk past the floor shakes like on Jurassic Park. Not like I'm Twiggy or anything. I could loose about 50 pounds. I just don't want to let this job go straigt to my ass.