What's In A Name

The other day at work I came across the coolest folders. One was for Crystal Ball, then I saw Jane Doe's file. The last & most impressive was James P (not T) Kirk. I'm sure his parents probably thought they were awesome naming him that, but I'm equally sure he was teased all through school.

Then another employee was looking at a file & asked if Oral was really a name. At first I thought she said Oil, but then she spelled it out. I said yeah, sure it's a name. There was Oral Roberts.

"Well, Oral's a stupid name," she said.

"Not as stupid as Anal," I shot back.

I know, I know. I'm hilarious.

Speaking of anuses, one of the podcasts I listened to just that day was about pig anuses. Not anything I was ever looking forward to learning about.

Somebody was in a slaughter house or meat packing plant or something & saw a box labeled Artificial Calamari. Since there wasn't any seafood within miles he asked the guy running the place what was up with the calamari. Apparently, Asians import a lot of pig anuses from us. Some they use in soup & who knows what, but some they chop up into rings & serve like calamari.

Luckily, I don't think I've ever eaten calamari. Squid tentacles just don't sound very tasty. Some things I won't eat because I've tried them & they're disgusting, like Brussels sprouts, but there are three things I won't eat just due to general ick factor. Snails, oysters, & squids.

The host of the show didn't know if they guy telling him about the box of artificial calamari was telling the truth or just pulling his leg so he called a bunch of people to check it out. Nobody admitted selling pig anuses as calamari, but everybody said it was possible other people did. After all, once the pig anuses got to Asia they could be chopped up & shipped back as calamari. Customs isn't going to do a DNA test on a box of calamari to make sure it's really calamari. They're just going to look for a big pile of heroin or explosives or whatever's the contraband of the day then send it on it's way.

Plus, pig anus would taste like pig poop, right?

So they did a blind taste test. One plate of real calamari (I don't know if they tested it to make sure it was real calamari & not pig ass. Maybe they bought it in tentacle form.) & one big steam plate of pig anus.

The taste testers couldn't tell the difference.

So if you like calamari you might have eaten pig anus. Of course, if you like sausage you've eaten the pig intestines they stuff the sausage in, but intestines aren't quite as gross as anus.

Oh & by the way, according to the man at the meat packing plant, the technical term for a pig's anus is it's bung. I guess that's where the term bung hole comes from.