Yes, I Suck

I know, I know. I haven't been writing in here any more often this year than last year. I suck. It's not a real news flash. So I'm going to make up for it by writing one enormous post. First, I want to write about how cold it is.

All together now. How cold is it?

It was so cold today my hair froze. Swear to God. I don't usually dry my hair. Just lazy. Anyway, today I took a shower and washed my hair right before I left for work. I knew it was cold outside, but I still didn't feel like drying it. Of course, I didn't remember I had to stop and get gas. As if not drying my hair doesn't make me sound like enough of an idiot, I also put off combing my hair for as long as possible. Lazy, lazy, lazy. If I was any more lazy I'd probably be in a coma or dead.

So anyway, I decided I might as well finally comb my hair while I was standing around pumping gas instead of doing it while I'm going 60 (that's as fast as I'll admit to) down the highway. So, like I said, I'm minding my own business, pumping gas and combing my hair, but my hair was so tangled I couldn't get the comb through even the littlest chunk. I was getting pissed. I mean, I've never had that much trouble combing my hair in my life. My hair was so tangled it was actually stiff. Then I noticed all this dust flying everywhere. At least I thought it was dust. That was when I realized my hair wasn't tangled, it was frozen. That wasn't dust, it was microscopic ice crystals. In the time it took to get out of my car and stuff the gas nozzle in the tank my hair froze. When I walked to the building to pay I could hear my hair clinking and clacking together.

Just so you know, the low tonight is supposed to be 1 lonely degree. Can you say fucking cold?

Speaking of how fast I drive, the highway department has this new system to discourage speeding. On top of some of the speed limit signs they put these little electronic signs that show how fast you're going. If you're speeding the display starts flashing. If you're really going fast it switches to big red letters saying SLOW DOWN. Not that I've ever seen that, you understand. That's just what I've heard. Yeah, I heard that's what happens. Yeah. Really, it switches to SLOW DOWN if you're only going five miles over the speed limit, so don't think I'm screaming down the highway going 90 or anything. I don't even know if my little bomb will go 90. 80, yes; 90, don't know.

Now, for some ranting about work. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

I have to go through three doors to get to my little work cubicle. The two inner doors are always locked. The outer door used to be locked on the weekend and at night, but a month or so ago I noticed the outer door wasn't locking when it was supposed to. It didn't lock a long time ago and I asked the lady at the desk about it. She said someone must have turned the lock off and just fixed it. No big deal. So I thought I'd do the neighborly thing and point out to that it wasn't locking again. I told two management type people about it. They were totally clueless. The lady that works at the front desk thought it wasn't supposed to lock anymore but seemed kind of vague about the whole thing. The lady that was higher up the food chain didn't have any idea what I was talking about. I don't think she knew the door ever locked. Then a couple of weeks ago there was a sign on the front door saying they were working on the lock. That day the front door was locked all day, but now it's back to normal.

I doubt if they fixed it just for me. I actually didn't care about it locking or not. I only had to worry about it going inside when I worked Saturday or Sundays, but going outside every night. Not that we were locked inside or anything. I don't work in a prison. It's just that to open the outer door when it's locked you have to push this little metal handle instead of being able to just push anywhere. Like I said before. I'm lazy. Having to concentrate enough to push that little handle instead of just any random place is just too much for me. Someone make the insanity stop.

I feel bad about complaining about work, but I'm going to do it anyway. Stupid Verizon Wireless. I could stop right there, but you know I'm not going to. When you call 411, are you looking for a phone number, or an address? If you want an address, ask for an address. How hard is that? Apparently, too hard for Verizon Wireless's customers. They decided to make us tell you what street the number's listed on whether you want to know or not. I could see if there's two listings, like Red Lobster on Main and Broadway. Tell the customer the two streets and ask which one they want. Easy. But if there's only one Red Lobster I should be able to just say see ya and send you on your way. That's the way it used to be. In the good old days. Before Verizon Wireless got all pissy about it. Verizon's residential division doesn't care. As long as we give out the right phone numbers they're happy. Verizon Wireless, on the other hand, wants us to go that extra mile, jump through that extra hoop.

I'm used to it now but it still bugs me. Especially in those stupid cities in Utah that don't even give their poor streets names. Instead of being able to say something simple, like Main Street, I have to spout all these numbers, like 4500 South 12189 West. What kind of address is that? But I don't even want to have to say Main Street. If you want an address ask for one. Besides, can't you, oh, ask them what street they're on while you're talking to them on the phone? And some places you don't care where they are. Like taxis. Who cares what street the taxi company is on. It's not like you're going to walk there and get a taxi. If you need the police do you care what street the police department is on? Plus, Verizon Wireless is so picky I have to run my mouth even if the company just has a PO box. Like that's going to help you find somebody. And if the listing has anything else, like a suite number, I have to say that, too. Like you care that Josey's Bar is in Unit C or Suite 12 or whatever. And all we have to do is say the street name and then send the call to the computer for the phone number. Sometimes you can hear the person on the phone start telling you it's the wrong street, but buy then you can't bring it back, so you know they're going to be mad but there's nothing you can do. The whole thing is ridiculous. Calling it retarded is an insult to retards the world over.

Verizon Wireless is serious about the whole thing. They test us and if we don't do everything they want we pay them a fine. If we're really bad they'll fire us. That's a serious threat because Verizon Wireless is like two thirds of our business. For the longest time we've been working 6 days a week, but recently we went back to working 5 days a week. Because we're just so awesome. Then I heard somebody in the lunch room talking about a call center in California that pissed Verizon Wireless off so much they lost their Verizon Wireless account. She said instead of getting rid of a bunch of operators there the company was just transferring a butt-load of other calls from us. Since they were taking a bunch of our calls we didn't have enough business to need to work 6 days. So it wasn't because we're so awesome. At least, if you believe what you hear in the lunch room.