Sassafras, Part 83

Joan


I was cold and hungry, and I had to pee really bad. I finally broke down and went to the bathroom. There wasn’t any toilet paper, but somebody left a roll of paper towels under the sink. Thank God for small favors, I thought. When I came back to the living room Billy was back on the couch. I distracted him by telling stories about what Jenny and I used to do when we hid out there. I told him about our wild side, sitting around drinking wine coolers, or maybe passing a bottle of cheap wine back and forth, smoking cigarettes, maybe even, believe it or not, an occasional joint.

"I didn't know Mom ever smoked weed," he said.

"Well, it's not like we were junkies or anything. We didn't hang out here shooting up or having orgies. We used to think we were so cool, sitting around smoking and drinking and cussing. You should have seen us flirt with the bartender at Tanner’s. Then when she started dating your father we started going to parties and getting drunk off our ass. I remember once your mom got so drunk at a party she took off all her clothes and your dad had to chase her all through the house to get her to put them back on."

"Mom never mentioned anything like that. I never knew she was a party animal."

"Don't cheerleaders party anymore?"

"I don't know. No cheerleader would have anything to do with me. I'm too ugly."

"You're not ugly, Billy. You look just like your dad when he was your age. You just need to grow up a little. Trust me, a year or two from now you're going to be tall dark and handsome."

He didn't look like he believed me. "Yeah, right."

"Oh, yeah. Until he gained weight your dad looked like a scarecrow. I wish I had some pictures of him from before they started dating. He looked like Gilligan. You know, from Gilligan's Island?"

"Gilligan was the one with the stupid white hat, right?"

"Yeah, that was Gilligan."

"So you're saying I look like Gilligan?"

"Well, it's not so much that your face looks like Gilligan, you're just thin and gangly like he was."

"What was Mom like?"

"She was always pretty. A lot prettier than me. Maybe just because she was older than me. I used to think she was perfect, and I was some kind of freak ugly duckling. You know she was a cheerleader, but she was also on the volleyball and track team. She could do back flips and cartwheels and splits. She could jump, too, just like a kangaroo. She won a medal at a track meet for the long jump, or broad jump, I don't remember which. I never won a medal for anything. I was about as athletic as a stump."

We sat and talked for a long time. I was glad Billy was finally starting to open up a little. I had been feeling like I was a failure as an aunt. I mean, I tried to avoid coming to Sassafras as much as I could, so I didn't really know Billy. To me, he would always be the little boy who used to follow me around all the time before I left for college. I always just sent Jenny money to buy his Christmas and birthday presents because I had no idea what he liked or what he already had. I didn't know what music he liked, or if he liked sports. I didn't even know if he was left or right handed until now.