It's NOT All About Sassafras--
Not Any More!

The Daily Cud's webmaster Ruth proclaims, "Oh, who am I kidding? It's all about Sassafras now."

Well, I'm here to tell you it ain't so! I'm going to get off my fanny and start posting again. Starting with-- (Ta Da!) --


MY EARWORM

In case you don't know, an earworm is something--usually a song or a jingle--that enters your brain through your ear and you can't get rid of it. Just about everybody has had this experience. You don't want to think of the stupid song, but you can't help yourself. Also known as "stuck tune syndrome," it is an annoying presence that, try though you may, you can't get rid of. You'll be driving along, or making lunch, or trying to work at something--and there it is, buzzing in your head and driving you crazy.

My current earworm is Camptown Races. I don't know why, because I haven't heard this old Stephen Foster folk song in eons. Nobody sings it any more because it is (ahem!) blatantly racist:

De Camptown Ladies sing dis song. Doo dah, doo dah!
Camptown racetrack five miles long. Oh, doo dah day!
Gwine to run all night! Gwine to run all day!
I bet my money on de bobtail nag! Somebody bet on de bay!

And on and on. I forget the rest, which is probably a blessing. But according to one theory, that is part of the reason the earworm persists. You can't remember the rest of the song, so you obsess over the part you do remember. One way of getting rid of it, supposedly, is to get the entire lyrics and read them and then you can finally get released from your obsession.

I decided to try it, so I Googled "Camptown Races." Bad idea! Yes, I did find the entire lyrics. But I also found a link to a website (http://www.brunching.com/camptownraces.html) that made the earworm bore even deeper into my mind (or what is left of it) and--worse--multiply itself madly and drive me even crazier.

Twelve Actual AP Headlines Which, When Followed By 'Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah,' Can Be Sung To The Tune of 'Camptown Races'

Man in Wheelchair Killed by Train
Britain Plans Pre-Emptive Cull
CBS Wins Ratings Week
Study: Measles Vaccine Safe
Cop Charged With Accepting Bribe
Devils 3, Coyotes 2
Woman Charged in Daughter's DeathSharon heads to Washington -->
German Super-Union Cleared
Feds Have Room For More Rate Cuts
Census Details at a Glance
Workers Strike at Nursing Homes
Bush to Parents: Love Your Kids

Now I can't even read my newspaper without singing the headlines under my breath and muttering, "Doo dah! Doo dah!"

Try it! It works!

"Budget Woes Threaten Army Posts" Doo dah! Doo dah!
"Woman Forced off Road and Raped" Doo dah! Doo dah!
"Pantex Updates Nuclear Bomb" Doo dah! Doo dah!

I guess I'm doomed.

Gwine to run all day! Gwine to run all night!
It's in my brain and it won't get out!
Oh, doo dah day!