Sassafras, Part 54

Joan

It was raining when I woke up. I could see the water running down the windowpane. No sun today. Everything was gray and lifeless. The trees with their empty branches, the weathered lattice trellis with bare vines twisted in wild tangles, everything looked dead.

We got to the funeral home at 1:00. I met the preacher of the Methodist church Jenny went to, a tall woman with gray hair piled in a swirl on top of her head. I remembered her from the wake, but I couldn’t remember her name. Billy knew her, so I let him talk to her while I just stood staring at Jenny lying in her casket, wishing none of this had happened. Of all the people in the world to die, why did it have to be Jenny? There were plenty of other people in Sassafras that could have died and I wouldn’t have cared a bit, but it had to be Jenny.

Billy touched my arm. “Are you okay, Aunt Jo? Come on, why don’t you have a cigarette before everybody else shows up.” A cigarette. Yes, that sounded good. I noticed I was having trouble concentrating. It felt like my mind was on vacation. But a cigarette, yes, that sounded good.

The funeral home was one of those non-smoking buildings, so we had to get our coats and sit outside in a little covered entryway. I was shaking a little when I lit my cigarette, but damn it felt nice once I had it lit. Rick didn’t like me smoking. He never said anything, but I could see how the corner of his lips pulled down just a little every time I lit a cigarette, the way his eyes narrowed when he watched the smoke drift out of the ashtray. I knew I should quit, but not today.

After a few minutes people started to show up. Most of them just nodded and walked by, maybe said a quick hello. Billy’s grandparents and a couple of aunts from Phoenix made it to the funeral. Uncle Sam showed up with my two cousins. I wasn’t prepared to see Katie. She had always seemed odd to me when I was little, but I was younger than her and we never really knew each other. As soon as I saw her face, her large forehead, her innocent smile, I could tell she had Down’s Syndrome. BJ looked just like his father, blond and blue-eyed, but he looked bored and uncomfortable.

“Hi, Uncle Sam. Katie, BJ, it’s nice to see you.”

“Hi, Aunt Junebug!” Katie beamed at me.

“No, Katie, she’s not your aunt, she’s your cousin.” Uncle Sam gently corrected her.

“Oh.” She thought a minute. “Hi, Cousin Junebug! I have a puppy!” She held a floppy brown stuffed animal up for me to see. “His name’s Puppy. He’s a weenie dog.” I could see BJ roll his eyes. That was when I remembered what an ass he had been when we were little, always the first one to get in trouble at family gatherings, usually because he made somebody else cry. Several times it had been me, but now I remembered how often it had been Katie that ran away crying.

“What a beautiful dog. Weenie dogs have always been my favorite.”

“They’re my favorite, too! I love weenies!” Uncle Sam shot BJ a look that wiped the smirk off his face.

“And I see you’re just as charming as when we were little, BJ. Make any little girls cry lately? Besides Katie?”

“No, as a matter of fact I’ve been too busy pulling the wings off flies to make little girls cry. Maybe later.”

“Thanks for the warning. I told the funeral director you were coming, Uncle Sam. You’re going to sit up front with Billy and me if you want to go ahead and go in.”

“Okay. I’ll see you inside, Junebug.” They walked past us, Katie rubbing Puppy softly against her cheek.

I was sitting on a little wooden bench, leaning back and watching the rain dripping off the edge of the awning, finishing my cigarette, when Billy tapped my shoulder. “Hey, Aunt Jo, look.”

He was pointing toward the parking lot. I turned and saw another couple walking up. I didn’t recognize them, and was about to ask Billy who they were, when I noticed there was a man walking a little behind them. A man who looked like Rick. A lot like Rick. I couldn’t believe it. It was Rick. Maybe my mind was on vacation, but my body knew what to do. I was up and running and before I knew it I was in his arms.

“Rick! You’re here!” I still couldn’t believe he was there, even though I could see him and feel him.

He leaned over and kissed me. “Surprised?”

“Yes!” I slipped my arms around his waist and held on tight. “You came! Wait!” I pulled away from him. “You’re supposed to be at work. You’re going to get in trouble!”

“No, it’s okay. I convinced my boss to let me take a late lunch so I could be with you. I won’t be able to go to Don’s, and I might have to stay a little after work, but I had to come. Are you happy?”

“Happy? I’m overjoyed! I can’t believe you came!”

“It was Tony’s idea, actually. For some crazy reason he thinks I’m sweet on you. I think he’s right.”

It was that moment, standing in the cold rain, crushed up against Rick’s chest by the mother of all bear hugs, that my heart completely melted. Maybe my mind still wanted to stay in New York, but my heart had other plans. I knew there was no way I was going back to New York. Sure, I’d go back and get my clothes and books, my cats, say goodbye to the few people who seemed to notice I was alive, but I wasn’t staying. I would probably still argue and fuss about it, try to convince myself it would be safer to stay in New York. I’m just stubborn that way. But I knew it wouldn’t work. If there was a death match between Rick and the Big Apple, Rick would get rich selling applesauce by the time it was over.