Sassafras, Part 9


Joan


I decided to go ahead and drive to Bond where the funeral home was. On the way I called work to see what ever happened with the redevelopment deal I had been working on. Maria, one of secretaries, answered, “Joan! I’m glad you called. We have all been wondering how you are doing. We have a collection going, and want to send flowers, but we don’t know where to send them.”

“I’m on my way to the funeral home now to arrange everything. I’ll call back when I have the details. I was wondering how the Long Island redevelopment deal is going. Did Frank screw it all up?”

“No, it’s still on. Senator O’Brien was disappointed that you had to leave before everything was finalized. He’s going to be glad to see you when you get back. I think he has the hots for you. You should have been the one bringing those papers to his penthouse, not Frank.”

“Don’t start. You know I don’t date clients.”

“You don’t date anybody, Joan. When you get back here, I’m taking you out to Chachi’s and fix you up with one of my cousins.”

I laughed. She was always threatening to fix me up with one of her cousins. I really like Maria, but I always turned her down. I thought about what Deana said about me being too picky. Maybe she was right. “That would be great, Maria,” I told her. “I don’t know how long I’m going to be here. At least another week. I have a lot to take care of here before I leave.”

“Take as long as you need. You know you’re Mr. Gunderson’s favorite assistant. He called just this morning asking about you. Do you remember when you put together that deal for the old Iranian embassy? Mr. Gunderson said that went so smooth he wants you to work on this new deal he has in mind for some property in Brooklyn, an old warehouse he’s thinking about converting to lofts. Do you want me to send you the file I started on it?”

“No, I don’t have time to think about work. Just put it on my desk, and tell Mr. Gunderson I can’t wait to get started on it. Just make sure Frank doesn’t hear anything about it. I don’t want him trying to pull seniority on me again.”

“Don’t worry about Frank. He’s at Senator O’Brien’s office right now. He’s been really kissing his ass. You should see him.” She started laughing and making kissing sounds.

“You’re terrible, Maria. Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you when I get out of the funeral home.”

“Ok. I’ll be right here.”

It took a couple of minutes to find the funeral home. I hadn’t been there since Bill’s funeral. I couldn’t believe it had been 16 years. I had still been in high school then. Before I went inside I walked out in the cemetery in back of the funeral home and looked for Bill’s grave. I couldn’t find it at first, but then I saw the little marker with the Marine symbol on it. I was shocked when I saw Jenny’s name on the marker next to Bill’s, but then I remembered she bought what they called a family plot when Bill died so she could be buried next to him. Actually, she would be buried right on top of his casket. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about paying for the plot or marker, just everything else. I wondered if she had an insurance policy. Even if all she had was one of those $1,000 or $2,000 policies banks usually throw in when you open an account it would help. I remembered the safety deposit box Billy said Jenny had. I should have stopped at the bank before I came here. I had no idea how much this was going to cost. Thank God for MasterCard.

It seemed like everyone I met since I got into town knew Jenny, and the funeral home was no exception. The receptionist was from Sassafras, and told me how Jenny had been like a sister to her. The funeral director knew Jenny from church. This was as bad as when we were in school. Jenny had been older than me, so to the teacher’s I wasn’t Joan, I was Jenny’s sister. I was still just Jenny’s sister.

They said they would take care of everything at the coroner's. They would even have a notice put in the paper. Leave it all to the friendly people at Whispering Acres. The viewing was scheduled for the day after next, Saturday, with the funeral Sunday. I picked out a pale tan casket with pink lining, a tape of some woman singing gospel music, and the viewing room called the Valley, all for the low, low price of $7,450. At least they said it was a low, low price. It didn’t seem very low to me. Jenny better have some kind of policy or it was going to take me ten years to pay for this.

When I got back in the car I remembered about calling Maria back. I told her the time and date of the wake and the funeral, and flipped through the folder for the address, then we talked for a while.

“You’re not going to try and back out of our date at Chachi’s, are you?” she asked.

“No, no, I’ll go, I promise. Are you sure you want to introduce me to your cousin? You tasted my casserole at the Christmas party last year. That was as good as my cooking gets.”

“Let me tell you something my mother told me when I was little. Men are pigs. They don’t care about dinner, they just want dessert. With a figure like yours you could make toast for dinner and they wouldn’t care. You can make toast, can’t you?”

“Yes,” I laughed, “I have the recipe for it somewhere.”

“Good. I’ll have Tony, Manny, and Carlos meet us at Chachi’s. That way you can meet all three of them and decide which one you like. It’ll be like the Dating Game.”

“No way, Maria!”

“Oh, yes way, Joan. You’re just lucky I narrowed it down to my three favorite cousins. I have 9 you know. Tony is a lawyer and Manny is a teacher. Carlos works in a bakery, and you should taste his cheesecakes. Oh, my God! They make me want to marry him. If you don’t go I’ll invite all 9 of them to lunch at the office and we can play Dating Game right here.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me,” she said. “You need a man. When was the last time you went on a date?”

“I went to Atlantic City with Greg.”

“First of all, that wasn’t a date, you were on business, and second of all, Greg is almost 50, and third of all, that was almost a year ago.”

Was I really so pathetic that the highlight of my sex life lately was being groped in a hotel room by a man I barely knew in hopes of making a business deal? I hated to think more of that was what I had to look forward to. I had really liked Greg, and when he suggested we go to Atlantic City so he could show me some property he wanted to sell to Starburst I hadn’t thought twice about it. Even when I realized he wanted to show me more than just his property it didn’t really bother me. I never really thought about how it would look. I just thought we could take care of a little business, then have a little fun. After all, we were both consenting adults. I hadn’t had a serious boyfriend in a while and the attention felt nice.

After dinner the first night we went back to his hotel room. At first things had gone okay. Greg had a bottle of wine and turned on some music. We sat on the floor by the window and looked at the lights spread out below us. The property he was trying to sell was downtown, and I recognized it before he was able to point it out to me. I was still studying the building, a long narrow four story with balconies across the front, when he leaned over and started kissing me. I wasn’t surprised, but I was disappointed he expected me to just jump straight into bed with him. I still wanted to talk about the building.

I tried to get in the mood for romance, but I think he could tell his property excited me more than he did. He sat up and looked at me like he just realized I was covered in poison. I don’t remember what names he called me, or if I said anything. He got up, pulled me to my feet and pushed me out the door. I just stood there with my blouse unbuttoned, staring at the door. After a second he opened the door again, but just long enough to throw my purse at me and slam it shut again. I walked back to my room barefooted because I was too embarrassed to knock on the door and ask for my shoes.

There was never a second night, and he decided he wasn’t really interested in selling after all. I don’t know if he had ever been serious about selling his building, or if it had all been just a lie to get me in bed with him. Maybe if I had just kept it professional I would have been able to close another deal, but it didn’t really matter. Both of us were disappointed.

“Okay, okay, I admit, it’s been a long time since I’ve gone on a real date. I’ll go to Chachi’s with you and I’ll meet your cousins, but I’m not going to promise anything. You know how busy I am, and when I come back I’m going to have my nephew with me, so I’m going to have even less time.”

“You have to find time for love. Otherwise you’re going to die a bitter, lonely old woman. There’s more to life than work, you know? You deserve to have a little fun.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Say hi to Mr. Gunderson for me. And buy Frank some Chapstick.”