IT'S WAH, MISS SCARLET!

We live in an older neighborhood that is usually quiet and peaceful. Mouthy young people have been known to refer to it as Geezerville. So it was a shock a few days when war broke out between two neighbors.

On the one side is Mr. Greenhouse, a stubby fireplug of a guy who is a retired schoolteacher/coach and who occupies his time with a small lawn mowing business. A fine, generous, if somewhat erratic gentleman. He cuts our grass, at least all of it except the back yard, and only charges $20. He won't do the backyard because he only cuts where he can get with his beloved riding lawnmower. He loves riding his lawnmower. At one time he didn't charge neighbors anything for the privilege, but then he took on a young helper and had to charge enough to defray his payroll.

On the other side is our across-the-alley neighbor, William. He is a relative newcomer to Geezerville, a whippersnapper of probably 45. Like Mr. Greenhouse, he is a nice person, a good neighbor. I watch his dog when they are on vacation, and he keeps an eye on our place when we are gone. And like Mr. Greenhouse, he is sometimes a little erratic. He is the only person I know who ever had a hot tub catch on fire.

The war started a few days ago when Mr. Greenhouse was shoveling grass clippings from his utility trailer into a dumpster in the alley behind our house. I was next door at my neighbor Margery's, and we heard all this shouting and carrying on. Didn't know what it was, but it sounded like some mighty unhappy people.

Later that day I was walking past Mr. Greenhouse's house, and he stopped me, all upset and practically trembling, he was so mad. "Did you hear what happened? Your neighbor was taking pictures of me!"

It seems that when he started dumping his grass clippings, William came rushing out of his house with a camera and started yelling at him. He was snapping pictures right and left, like something out of CSI. He said the Sanitation Department had told him they were going to ticket him--William--for dumping grass in the Dumpster, and he was gathering proof that it wasn't him doing it. Snap! Snap!

Mr. Greenhouse stormed away, convinced William was a madman. According to Mr. Greenhouse, a long time ago he had asked someone at the City if it was okay to dump grass in the dumpsters, and they had told him, "Absolutely, that is where we want you to put it." (I don't know if whoever he talked to realized he was a commercial lawn man, and was filling several dumpsters up and down the alley.)

But I am also skeptical of William's story. We use the same dumpster, and nobody has threatened to ticket us. I think what happened was that William was fed up with going to empty his trash in the dumpster and finding it full of Greenhouse's grass, so he called the city and got someone who said you can get a ticket for filling it with clippings. Maybe you can, but I have never heard of it happening.

And if he was told something like that, why didn't he just go down to Greenhouse's and tell him, "Hey, the city is threatening to start writing tickets because the dumpster is full of grass clippings." Instead he pulls this picture-taking stunt. And now there is all this Bad Blood in the neighborhood.

I don't know how this war will come out. Mr. Greenhouse seems to be more careful not to fill up the dumpster, and the other day he waited until after it had been emptied before he put any clippings in it. I don't know what William did with the pictures, whether he sent them to the city or is keeping them as evidence. But everybody is tiptoeing around those two. We don't want to get caught in the crossfire. War is hell.