THE DAILY CUD'S PRESIDENTIAL ENDORSEMENT

The time has come for me, as the chief political junkie of the Daily Cud, to announce our official presidential endorsement--GEORGE W. BUSH.

I would like to say that this is because I support the way he is handling the War on Terror and, in particular, the war in Iraq.

Or because he has improved our homeland security and made America safer from attack.

Or because he is doing a great job on economic recovery after inheriting the Clinton recession.

Or because the next president is likely to name some new Supreme Court justices, and he would choose ones who would pay attention to the Constitution instead of the latest liberal political fad.

Or because of many other Important Issues.

But the truth is, I am going to vote for George W. Bush because every time I see John Kerry, he reminds me of Eddie Haskell.

You remember Eddie Haskell. He was the sneaky friend on "Leave It to Beaver," who was always getting Wally and the Beav into trouble and then wriggling out of it himself. If they broke a window playing baseball, he could convince the neighbor he was doing his homework when it happened. And he was always buttering up Mrs. Cleaver by telling her stuff like, "Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, your kitchen always looks so clean, it looks like you never do any work in there."

Get the picture?

Here is how tvland.com characterizes Eddie Haskell:

"Eddie Haskell is nothing short of an operator. He's all talk and attitude—in other words, a real creep. Eddie's the kind of guy that everyone sees through, except Eddie. He's as oily in his politeness to adults as he is weaselly in his dealings with his peers. Eddie sticks like glue to popular Wally, although they couldn't be more different. Fortunately for the Cleavers, Wally is wise to Eddie's games.

Sound like anybody you know? Take a close look during the next presidential debate, and betcha you'll see it, too.

Really, now, no matter what they may tell the Gallup Poll, do voters pay ANY attention to those Big Issues? Have they ever? How many people voted for Franklin Roosevelt because they thought Thomas Dewey looked like "the little man on the wedding cake"? How many voted for Eisenhower because he looked like their grandpa and had a big grin? Or voted for Reagan because they liked his old cowboy movies? You can probably come up with more examples of your own.

Forget the issues. Admit it, you're gonna go with some impression just like that.

Hmmm. Now, let's see--what else does tvland.com have to say about another character?

"He's a bit of a goof, but as Wally once said, 'not as goofy as he looks.' He's not the brightest kid on the block, but he's not the dumbest either. Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver is pretty much your average, slightly hyperactive, but impossibly cute kid. Beaver's friendly, inquisitive nature gets him into a lot of trouble. He's pretty gullible, so he's often mixed up in some pretty kooky jams.
Beaver has a lot of friends—after all, he's not a creep, he's no squealer and he doesn't go mushy over goony girls (except maybe his teacher, Miss Landers). And if his brother's friends see him as a runt, Beaver doesn't mind because Wally almost always comes to his defense. "

Hmm! Who do you suppose THAT could be?

That settles it for me.

FOUR MORE YEARS! YEAGHHH!