Jeeze Louise, I forgot all about the couch. There has to be some way to get my lazy ass off the couch. I'm thinking of some sort of timer, like an hourglass. The pressure of my butt on the cushion will open a hole in a bucket full of the cheapest generic dog food I can find. The longer I sit on the couch, the more dog food will be released. My dogs will happily eat as much as they can. The cheap dog food will transform into toxic gaseous emisions, guaranteeing a speedy exit from the livingroom, possibly the entire house. No TV program in the world can compete with the mustard gas my dogs can produce.