DID YOUR DOCTOR INTERN AT E-BAY?

From the medblog "Cut to Cure":

"The American Board of Surgery has revised its testing policies after a doctor who failed a certification exam went back to review his test, wrote down the answers to dozens of questions and then put them up for sale on an Internet auction site.

"The Philadelphia-based board, which has certified tens of thousands of surgeons nationwide, found out last summer that 86 questions used on its 290-question multiple-choice exam were listed on eBay. Questions used on the exam are rotated from a large pool each year."

Next time you're in the office, you better check those diplomas on the wall!

THE PHONE BILL FROM HELL

When Mary was out here on spring break, she was showing off with her new flip phone and telling me I ought to upgrade with Cingular and get one myself. Hmmm. Sounded like a good idea. My old phone was about 5 years old, and I was on some plan they don't even offer any more that allows you only 70 free minutes a month. So I called up and got my upgrade (to 200 minutes, for only $10 more) and my new flip phone.

Thanks a lot, Mary.

Day before yesterday, I got my first phone bill under the new plan. It was $458.83.

That's right--$458.83.

When I picked myself up off the floor I called Cingular and yelled at them. My phone bill comes in a buncha pages, and the one I was interested in was P. 5, "Call Detail." It listed all these calls, and they were nothing at all like 1,029 minutes. Then the nice boy who answered the phone at Cingular explained there was a P. 4 that I had missed, and it had three calls listed on it and one of them was 947 minutes. I finally found P. 4 (it was on the back of P. 3), and there was the dirty little booger. It was a call from my brother Gene at 9:54 p.m. and it showed, yep, 947 minutes. That's 15 hours and 47 minutes!

I ranted around that it had to be a mistake--it must be that new phone--maybe their switching system--or the tower--blahblahblah. The nice boy was just as sure it was me, that I HADN'T HUNG UP THE PHONE. That made me furious. I have NEVER had anything like this happen; I certainly know how to hang up a phone! "Get your supervisor!"

He got the supervisor and they ran an offer past me--I would pay half the $458.83, and they would forget the rest. I didn't think that was good enough, for something I am CONVINCED is not my fault. So they ran it up to the supervisor's supervisor, and they finally decided that they will have to run up to the next highest level (President Bush? Jesus Christ?) and then get back to me in 72 hours. "Don't worry. I am sure we can work something out."

Yeah, right. I think it's called "bankruptcy."

What do you guys think? And I don't want to hear anybody saying, "MOM, YOU DIDN'T HANG UP THE PHONE!"

POST-OP BLUES

I haven't been blogging lately because I've been busy running places for the Bro. He had surgery a couple of weeks ago and is a post-op mess. I'm sure you don't want all the grisly details, but the operation involved slicing his belly open, cutting out a small piece of his colon, and then splicing it back together. And no, it wasn't cancer--just a polyp that was flat and stuck to the inside of the colon so that the doc couldn't snake it out during his colonoscopy.

I DID promise not to give all the grisly details, didn't I?

Anyway, he did okay in the hospital and then was sent home to continue recuperating. That's when he began to fall all apart. Basically, his gut went into overdrive and kept him--ahem, how shall I say this?--running. And running, and running. And weak, and worn out, and cranky.

I would feel a lot sorrier for him if this whole thing hadn't been HIS BIG IDEA. When they found this polyp and said he would need surgery, he went into high speed mode. Let's do it! Now! Let's get it over with! Monday? Great!

I was still thinking, Whoa, Bro. Get a grip here. I knew enough about his medical history to remember that any time he has some medical procedure, weird stuff goes on. One time he had his appendix taken out, and they had to hunt all over his belly to find it. It wasn't where the book shows it is: "Appendix, X marks the spot, cut here."

This time, mostly he has had trouble getting his digestive system up and running again. Oops, I shouldn't have said "running." And also, he has developed a blood clot in one of his legs. Not a BAD blood clot, just one in a superficial vein, but this still tends to get the medics excited. They make him come in for blood tests to make sure the rat poison they are giving him is thinning his blood properly. So I have been chauffering him for that, as well as for follow-ups with his surgeon, A.K.A. The Goat Roper. (His hobby is riding cutting horses.)

And then for some reason he had to go to his urologist. I think it was just a routine checkup that had been set up long ago, before any of this craziness started. You know old men, they all have their urologist. Like us babes have our OB-GYN's. So we go waltzing in there (me waltzing, and him mincing along) and notice--bad sign!--the waiting room is full to overflowing. And somebody had remembered to bring the obligatory screaming kids. What were THEY doing at the urologist's? Getting their little weenies whittled on? Nope, apparently Grandma and Grandpa were just babysitting, and it was Grandpa's day at the urologist's. "Hey, I know--let's take the kids!"

Anyway (do I keep saying "anyway?"), we sat down and I got to read several People magazines about people I never heard of, and old Times and Newsweeks about how Kerry was creaming Bush in the polls. Finally, the receptionist made an announcement: "Attention, people! Dr. Kibbey is running an hour and a half late."

Great. We went in at 2:30, got out at 5:30. And did we go home? Hah! THIS doctor sent him to another doctor--"Go over to the Heart Group and get that leg looked at." So we got to hang out there, and Gene got his leg dopplered and they found a storm cell--no, wrong doppler, it was a blood clot. Same principle, only it doesn't get on TV. Then we went to the Pill Palace (Gene's pet name for his pharmacy), and then to Jeff's Grand Burger so he could give his bruised colon an infusion of grease.

So, that's the story of my life the last couple of weeks. The one thing that keeps me going is SADISTIC PLEASURE in seeming him suffer. And the satisfaction of knowing I was right, the whole thing was a bad idea. As he told me yesterday, "I am going to take a Magic Marker and draw a dotted line across my throat to show you where to cut if I ever consent to surgery again."

Busted

I have an admission to make. I have slipped off the wagon and started drinking soda. I like soda. It isn't like I'm on crack or anything. I quit for almost 2 months, that's long enough for me. I'm not going to drink as much soda as I used to, just one or two cans a day, not a six pack. I wasn't going to come out and admit it, but my neighbor reads this, and he saw me with a soda and jumped my ass. He said he was so disappointed.

So now you know my little secret. I hope my adoring fans can forgive me.

Four Eyes And Two Laptops

I have a new pair of glasses. When I took The Girl to the eyeglasses store, the salesman told me my glasses were men's glasses. Of course, after that The Girl made fun of me and my dude glasses. My glasses were old and twisted, so I needed new ones. I just got the new pair yesterday. No more dude glasses for me. My new glasses are the kind that turn into sunglasses. I love them.

I also won a laptop on eBay. It's almost exactly the same as mine. Maybe a little less powerful, but don't tell The Girl, because I gave the new one to her. Now my husband is jealous because he doesn't have a laptop. Both of our laptops have the wireless internet hookups. The battery in her laptop works, so she could go jog around the block and still be on-line. My battery isn't even in my laptop. I need to buy a new battery, but I'm not too worried about it. As long as I have an electric outlet to plug into I'm happy. It's not like I need to check my e-mail while I'm out at the grocery store or anything.

The Ebay Bonanza

I won some auctions. I'm already getting surprises in the mail. I have two new tarot decks and a set of pillar candle molds. I'm still waiting for a pair of candle molds, real pretty ones with an angel or a mermaid on the sides. I also won a laptop. Not anything state of the art, but something for The Girl to have. I really need to give this old baby a wipe and reinstall everything. There's a bunch of useless programs running things down in Laptop city. Sometimes you just need to do a cleaning on hardrive.

Anyway, things are pretty much ok around here. The new cat is great. I already want to get another one. We are looking for a digital camera so I can take some pictures of him and put them up here. We could borrow Mary's, but this is a good excuse to buy our own. I bet they have cameras on Ebay, but my husband is determined to go shopping. Can't argue with shopping.

Looped The Loops

Sunday I did something I don't think I've done since high school. I went to 6 Flags, a local amusement park. I rode a bunch of roller coasters and other rides. We went mainly because The Girl wanted to go, but I really enjoyed myself. More than I thought I would. I don't think we could have picked a better day to go. There wasn't hardly any crowd, and the weather was beautiful. Maybe a little chilly at first, but it ended up being perfect. I got a little sunburn on my nose. We waited until the very last ride to go on one that was a water ride because we didn't want to have to walk around dripping wet.

We only had to wait in line for a couple of rides, most were pretty much walk up and get on. We went with a couple of friends, and everybody wanted to drive the little race cars, but I didn't want to, so I just rode my favorite ride, the Highland Fling, over and over, about 4 times, and still ended up waiting for them to get their ride on.

Going to 6 Flags was pretty fun, but everything there is so expensive. We brought our own lunch and sat out in the parking lot eating, so at least they didn't get us on food. We did buy some bottled water, and The Girl found a shirt and skirt that said Corona that she had to have, so we didn't get away completely free.

I would have had more fun without my husband. Not that I don't love him and enjoy his company, but he has a bad back, and bad backs and roller coasters don't really get along. We made the mistake of riding a roller coaster called the Boss right at the beginning of the day. Even my husband rode it. It didn't look that bad. It's a great big old fasioned wooden roller coaster. Oh, my, God. It whipped us around and up and down, jerking and rattling. My husband started tripping out because his glasses about flew off his face, so he had to ride the whole thing either with his hands up holding his glasses on, or without his glasses on, which basically made him blind to the twists and turns coming his way. I was afraid he wasn't going to be able to walk when the ride was over, but he was okay.

I also rode roller coasters called the Ninja, Mr. Freeze, and something about Batman. Out of all of them, I don't know which one was best. Not Mr. Freeze, just because it was way too short. Batman was cool, but it was one of those where you are suspended from the track, or rail, or whatever you call it, with your feet dangling around. I don't consider that a real roller coaster. It wasn't the Ninja. That was a good ride, but you snapped around left and right so much I kept smacking my ears on the side of the seat, and The Girl complained about hitting the side of her head. So I guess the winner was the Boss, but I didn't get to ride all the roller coasters so it isn't official.

We decided to go ahead and get season tickets for 6 Flags, since chances are The Girl will want to go again, either with us or with friends. Next time I'm going to make a point of riding all the roller coasters and scoring them for future blogging purposes. I also want to go back one time at night and get to enjoy all the pretty lights. Then one hot day, I want to have a special water day where we just ride all the water rides over and over.

Easy Come, Easy Go

My husband just started sanding the body on the new hotrod, but already decided to sell it when he gets it finished. Unless I decide I want to drive it. You see, it's a little too rustic for him, too. Not only is there no radio or air conditioning, there isn't any power steering or power brakes. He has a bad back, and driving this car kicks his ass. I've been thinking about driving the car when he gets through with it.

I might take it over after all. I just wanted a smaller car, a little Honda or Toyota. This car is a two door, but it's longer than the car I drive now. I guess I could get used to no radio, or my husband could put one in for me. No air conditioning might be harder to get used to. I used to drive an old Delta 98 with no air, and ended up getting heat stroke in it. I was puttering around town up in Troy. I don't think it would have been so bad, even though it was awfully hot, but I was listening to the radio. I listen to NPR, and they had a guest on whatever show I was listening to that was really interesting. When I was ready for lunch, like a fool, I decided to just go through the drive-thru so I could keep listening to the radio. Then, I had another brain storm. Instead of eating while I was driving around, I would kick back and enjoy my chicken sandwich and listen to the radio parked in the car.

Big mistake. It was hot, really hot. I didn't feel too bad while I was eating, just hot. Then when I got home I realized something was wrong. I was very hot. I had a headache, and my stomach felt like I just ate a big bowl of battery acid. I flopped out on the couch, but couldn't get comfortable. My stomach was cramped up bad, and no position felt good. Not stretched out, not curled up, not on my back or on my stomach. Finally I was able to doze off.

New Toys

Since my husband still doesn't have a job, we decided we ought to refinance our home. We had a regular mortgage and a home improvement loan, but now we just have one loan. The payments are lower, plus it's a fixed rate loan. Our banker told us when it was time to look at our loan next the rate was going to go up, so we wanted to nip that in the bud. So now we have a lower payment, plus we took out a little extra to tide us over until my husband gets a job. I think with the payment as low as it is we could squeak by on just my paycheck.

Plus, we are able to pick up a few necessities. Like a 66 Chevy Bellair. My husband bought it yesterday. He already took it to the garage and had it inspected, and now he's up at the DMV getting the license plates for it. It's a nice car, just a little rust and one dent in the front fender, but the front and back windows both leak so we need to have new seals put on both. The leaking windows also mean there is some water damage to the interior. It's a definite project. He was afraid I might decide it's my car. I loved our old 69 Impala, but frankly, this car is just not my style. I like a little more luxury. I mean, this car doesn't have an air conditioner, or even a radio. Basically nothing by a horn, wipers, and a heater.

Since he has his new toy, I am getting a new toy, too. Just for starters I bid on a tarot deck. I won't know if I won it until Monday. I also bid on a laptop. I want to give this one to The Girl so we don't have to share. This is a fine old laptop, but there is a crack in the case in the front corner. You have to be careful how you pick it up or it could just snap off. I don't know if that would really be a problem or if it would work fine without that little section. My husband wants me to buy a really fast, state of the art laptop and give this one to The Girl, but I don't know. I'm kind of attached to this old thing. We just bought a wireless internet card for it, so it's not like it's obsolete or anything, just a little old. Kind of like me, I guess. I'd be happy buying one just like this one, or even a little older and give the 'new' computer to The Girl. Mainly just because I already have all my stuff on this one and I don't want to have to start all over.

There are some other things we're going to do with our little windfall. We need new kitchen chairs. Ours are so torn up they are embarrassing. We are also going to finally finish the deck. I have been waiting for years to get rails and stairs on the deck. We also are going to get a new stove and clothes drier. I guess our stove could be fixed. The main thing wrong with it is the burners don't light when you turn them on anymore. You have to use one of those butane lighters. My husband won't rest until we get a new one. There isn't anything wrong with the drier we have, we just want to have two driers so we can dry clothes as fast as we wash them.

So, now you know what has been going on. Mostly. There are some other things that I'll blog about later. The new cat is fitting in nicely. He still isn't too sure about our big dog, but doesn't mind the little one. They both sleep under the waterbed.

Here There Be Cats

Well, at least one cat. We went to the animal shelter and picked up a cat today. A huge male Burmese Siamese. We knew he was fixed, but didn't even realize he was de-clawed until I got home and started looking through all the papers they sent home with him. He's about 4 years old and weighs about 20 pounds. A lot of cat. My husband says he's an expensive cat. If we bought him from a pet store it would be about $400 or $500, but we got him for just $30. He's a really beautiful cat, grey with black trim and blue eyes. I'm going to borrow somebody's camera and put up a picture of him sometime next week. His old owners had to give him up because they were moving. I bet they are heartbroken because you can tell he has been loved a lot. His name is Kitty Smacks, but I bet we change his name. So far my husband has been just calling him Big Guy because he's such a big cat.

Just Wondering

Why do people think I can find the number they want, when all they know is somebody's first name and the city they live in? I've been getting a rash of calls from people wanting to know something like Susy's number in Phoenix. Even if you know what street someone lives on, if you don't know their last name, or at least the first letter of their last name, it's not going to happen.

Actually, I think I shouldn't blog about work anymore. Every time I get a stupid caller, the first thing I think of is "Well, this moron sure doesn't read the Daily Cud."

Oh, and just in case you were wondering about my soda intake, last month I had a total of three sodas. This month I've already had two, but I think that's all I'm going to have this month. I just don't really want a soda very much anymore. Right after I finished the last soda I drank, I had a drink of water, and it just felt so much better than the soda. Not thick and syrupy, no aftertaste or annoying bubbles. On the other hand, if I'm doing this to loose weight I need to think again. After only drinking three sodas last month, I lost a whopping one pound. At that rate, I'll be 50 before I loose all my extra weight.