Hot Dog!
Yes! I have internet again. No more fighting with that shitty computer at work. Now I can catch you up on my exciting life.
I am getting a cat. I have been reading Wil Wheaton's blog, and two of his cats recently died. That made me remember how nice it is to have a cat. They are soft and fluffy, they make good lap warmers, their purring is very soothing. Sure, cat food stinks, and litter pans smell even worse, but cats rule. I have been looking at cats on-line at Petfinder but can't decide which cat I want the most. I could really see me being one of those weird ladies with 40 cats if my husband would let me. One thing I know for sure is whatever cat I get is going to be fixed. No kittens. I have had enough kittens to last me a long time. I really want a Siamese cat, but I don't know if I'll get one or if I'll get an ordinary cat. My husband wants a black cat like we used to have.
One problem with getting a cat is we have two waterbeds. We would have to put some kind of extra layer on the beds so the cat's claws don't poke holes in it. Or we could just get rid of the waterbeds, which would be ok with me. I am kind of tired of the waterbed. Or we could get a cat that is declawed, but I really want a cat that has it's claws because I also want to put in a pet door so my little dog can go outside and take care of business whenever she wants without bothering me. Of course, then I would have to put up a fence or she would run wild through the neighborhood. If we had a pet door, I don't think we could keep the cat inside and just let the dog use it. I know they have some pet doors with sensors that pick up signals from a collar the pet wears, but I still think the cat would figure out how to sneak out with the dog.
Anyway, that is my latest bright idea. Petfinder also has dogs and other animals. They have tons of birds in the St. Louis region. My husband used to have a parrot, and we are thinking about getting another one from Petfinder. The only problem is using our fireplace might mess with a bird. Plus, Teflon coatings give off fumes that are toxic to birds so my husband would have to get all new pots and pans, and have to get rid of his electric grill. My husband would like either another Amazon, or a Macaw. I used to have a parakeet, but that isn't good enough for my husband. He wants a manly bird. I would like an African Grey parrot because there was a story on NPR about how well they talk. They are supposed to be the most intelligent birds.
So, we might have an addition to the family soon. Maybe a couple. Unfortunately, my husband doesn't want to get any more children yet. He thinks we should stick with the one we have already, which I can't argue with, but I really would like more than one. Eventually I think we will go through the official Family Services foster adopt program. I even found a girl on line at AdoptUSA that would be a perfect younger sister for The Girl. She wants to be adopted by a family that will let her pierce her tongue and take her to Hot Topic.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Thursday, April 28, 2005
My Car, The Piece Of Shit
My car is slowly falling apart. First, I noticed a problem with the wiper blades. When I turned them on high speed, they slowed down. Plus, one of the rubber blades is coming apart, but that's replaceable, so it doesn't count. Then I noticed a subtle, intermittent dimming of the dashboard lights. Then there was the crack that mysteriously showed up on my windshield.
Monday the dashboard lights wouldn't come on at all. That bugged me, but I was able to turn on the light on the ceiling long enough to set the cruise control so I didn't have to worry about not being able to see the speedometer. Last night the dashboard lights didn't come on again, but what I didn't know about was the tail lights didn't come on, either.
At least I didn't know anything until a cop pulled me over and told me about it. I was minding my own business, driving home from work, when I noticed the cars behind me pulling over and a cop coming up with his lights flashing. I pulled over, expecting him to zoom on past me. Imagine my surprise when he pulled over right in back of me. He was real cool about it, and just told me to turn on my emergency flashers and go straight home. So now I'm driving my husband's van while he tries to figure out what's wrong. He thinks there might be a loose wire, or bad ground connection, or something like that. It couldn't be as simple as a blown fuse.
As if my car turning into a piece of shit wasn't bad enough, somebody cut through a cable somewhere and shut down my internet for a WEEK! I don't know if it will still be down when I get home or not. I keep expecting it to be back up, but I keep getting dissapointed. I'm writing this on a computer at work, but this computer is driving me absolutely bat-shit crazy. The shift key only works about half the time, and I have to keep going back and fixing what is messed up.When I type something it takes a couple of seconds for the computer to realize I expect it to actually write out what I type, so I am also constantly waiting for it to catch up with me. I miss my laptop. If the internet is still down when I get home, I guess I'm going to have to write my posts on my laptop, save them on a floppy disk, and bring it in and open it at work. Or I could get on line at the library. At least their computers work, and won't make me cry and pull out my hair like this enormos piece of shit.
My car is slowly falling apart. First, I noticed a problem with the wiper blades. When I turned them on high speed, they slowed down. Plus, one of the rubber blades is coming apart, but that's replaceable, so it doesn't count. Then I noticed a subtle, intermittent dimming of the dashboard lights. Then there was the crack that mysteriously showed up on my windshield.
Monday the dashboard lights wouldn't come on at all. That bugged me, but I was able to turn on the light on the ceiling long enough to set the cruise control so I didn't have to worry about not being able to see the speedometer. Last night the dashboard lights didn't come on again, but what I didn't know about was the tail lights didn't come on, either.
At least I didn't know anything until a cop pulled me over and told me about it. I was minding my own business, driving home from work, when I noticed the cars behind me pulling over and a cop coming up with his lights flashing. I pulled over, expecting him to zoom on past me. Imagine my surprise when he pulled over right in back of me. He was real cool about it, and just told me to turn on my emergency flashers and go straight home. So now I'm driving my husband's van while he tries to figure out what's wrong. He thinks there might be a loose wire, or bad ground connection, or something like that. It couldn't be as simple as a blown fuse.
As if my car turning into a piece of shit wasn't bad enough, somebody cut through a cable somewhere and shut down my internet for a WEEK! I don't know if it will still be down when I get home or not. I keep expecting it to be back up, but I keep getting dissapointed. I'm writing this on a computer at work, but this computer is driving me absolutely bat-shit crazy. The shift key only works about half the time, and I have to keep going back and fixing what is messed up.When I type something it takes a couple of seconds for the computer to realize I expect it to actually write out what I type, so I am also constantly waiting for it to catch up with me. I miss my laptop. If the internet is still down when I get home, I guess I'm going to have to write my posts on my laptop, save them on a floppy disk, and bring it in and open it at work. Or I could get on line at the library. At least their computers work, and won't make me cry and pull out my hair like this enormos piece of shit.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Me And My Tumor
Before you read this, run your tongue across the roof of your mouth. Is it a nice smooth arch, or is there a bump sticking down out of the middle? If there is a bump, congradulations, you have a tumor.
I learned this medical tidbit when I was in high school. I went to the dentist once and he freaked me out twice. First, he told me I wasn't pregnant. I don't know why he thought I would go to the dentist for a pregnancy test. Apparently your gums change color or get puffy or something when you are pregnant. Never being pregnant, I can't test that theory. Maybe Mom or Mary can comment on that.
Then he told me not to worry about that tumor in my mouth. Now that got my attention. What tumor? It turns out that with some people, when the bone that keeps your brain from falling into your mouth forms, it keeps growing a little too much and instead of ending up nice and flat you end up with a little bump on the roof of you mouth. It isn't any problem, unless it grows so big it interferes with your ability to talk or eat. I had never noticed it was even there. I mean, how many times do you check the roof of your mouth, unless you just burned it on red hot, gooey pizza cheese? And even if I had noticed a bump on the top of my mouth I wouldn't have known that was anything unusual, since I didn't have anything to compare it with. I mean, if it had been sticking out of the center of my forehead I would have noticed nobody else had anything like it, but I never looked at the roof of anybody else's mouth, so how was I to know?
Now you know.
Before you read this, run your tongue across the roof of your mouth. Is it a nice smooth arch, or is there a bump sticking down out of the middle? If there is a bump, congradulations, you have a tumor.
I learned this medical tidbit when I was in high school. I went to the dentist once and he freaked me out twice. First, he told me I wasn't pregnant. I don't know why he thought I would go to the dentist for a pregnancy test. Apparently your gums change color or get puffy or something when you are pregnant. Never being pregnant, I can't test that theory. Maybe Mom or Mary can comment on that.
Then he told me not to worry about that tumor in my mouth. Now that got my attention. What tumor? It turns out that with some people, when the bone that keeps your brain from falling into your mouth forms, it keeps growing a little too much and instead of ending up nice and flat you end up with a little bump on the roof of you mouth. It isn't any problem, unless it grows so big it interferes with your ability to talk or eat. I had never noticed it was even there. I mean, how many times do you check the roof of your mouth, unless you just burned it on red hot, gooey pizza cheese? And even if I had noticed a bump on the top of my mouth I wouldn't have known that was anything unusual, since I didn't have anything to compare it with. I mean, if it had been sticking out of the center of my forehead I would have noticed nobody else had anything like it, but I never looked at the roof of anybody else's mouth, so how was I to know?
Now you know.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
#@*%$!!!
I guess I am going to have to get my guru Leonard to come over and do an exorcism on my computer. I was just reading over my previous post and noticed some words that were in green and underlined. Does that mean it's a link? So out of curiosity, I clicked on the green-underlined "love" and it took me to this page:
“You’re About To Learn Secrets That Most Men Will Never Know About Women...”
"Inside you’ll learn...
“The Kiss Test” - How to tell if she’s ready to be kissed.
The difference between how men and women think about dating - and why
most women want to keep you from being successful.
How to use “secret” body language to keep a woman’s attention.
How to approach a new woman that you’d like to meet - and exactly what
to say to start a conversation without “pick up lines”.
Fun places to take women that are FREE - no paying for expensive dates...
And much, much more..."
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???? Where did this stuff come from? How do I get rid of it.
Oh, LEONARD!!!
I guess I am going to have to get my guru Leonard to come over and do an exorcism on my computer. I was just reading over my previous post and noticed some words that were in green and underlined. Does that mean it's a link? So out of curiosity, I clicked on the green-underlined "love" and it took me to this page:
“You’re About To Learn Secrets That Most Men Will Never Know About Women...”
"Inside you’ll learn...
“The Kiss Test” - How to tell if she’s ready to be kissed.
The difference between how men and women think about dating - and why
most women want to keep you from being successful.
How to use “secret” body language to keep a woman’s attention.
How to approach a new woman that you’d like to meet - and exactly what
to say to start a conversation without “pick up lines”.
Fun places to take women that are FREE - no paying for expensive dates...
And much, much more..."
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE???? Where did this stuff come from? How do I get rid of it.
Oh, LEONARD!!!
WHY I READ THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
Some people would think it strange that a person who has no stocks or bonds (or hardly any money in the bank) would read the Wall Street Journal. But I love the Journal and could hardly get along without it. I read it in part because it has great front-page articles (mostly non-financial), interesting editorials (did I mention I am a political junkie?) and great book reviews. I am always reading some book I would never have heard of without it.
But one big reason is because of the intriguing little articles and columns scattered through the inside pages. You can pick up all sorts of unusual information from reading them.
For example, Sharon Begley has a column called "Science Journal" that is always interesting. Last week she had one explaining how the police get innocent people to confess. No, I'm not talking the rubber hose treatment here. She explains that a lot of suspects are poorly educated, easily manipulated doofuses who will confess to anything if the cop is sympathetic ("I don't think you really intended to do it, I can understand how you might have just lost it") and convinces him they have so much evidence (ha!) that his best bet is to confess and hope for leniency. For instance, cops lied to one guy that his hair had been found in the dead girl's room, that her blood was in his bedroom, and that he had failed his polygraph. He got confused and thought he must have had a split personality who did it, and he confessed--only to be sprung loose later when they accidentally caught the real killer. According to this article, you shouldn't place much faith in confessions.
This week Begley has a column about water fleas. Interesting, huh? Well, actually it is. She describes these fleas that have little helmets that make it hard for fish to eat them, while other fleas with the same DNA don't. Some scientists divided up these helmeted fleas and put them in two different aquariums. They put fish scent in one aquarium and didn't in the other. The helmeted fleas in the one that had fish scent had offspring with helmets; the helmeted fleas in the one that didn't have fish scent produced offspring without helmets. According to the article, this shows that "a given genotype can develop in any of several ways depending on what environment it's in." Traits that we think are genetic may actually be "an artifact of how few environments people with that gene have been exposed to." Another example: Oak tree caterpillars that hatch in the spring eat oak blossoms and grow up to look like flowers; the same caterpillars that hatch in the summer eat leaves and grow up to look like leaves. She goes on to discuss similar studies in human beings, where different people can carry the same gene but will have totally different outcomes depending on their experiences. "The whole subject of what counts as innate has just exploded," she quotes one scientist as saying.
And, oh, I almost forgot: An article in the Journal last week ("Burning Rubber Gets Expensive") warned that a lot of new Hyundai's come equipped with high performance tires that wear out fast and cost $800 a set to replace. Anybody we know?
Some people would think it strange that a person who has no stocks or bonds (or hardly any money in the bank) would read the Wall Street Journal. But I love the Journal and could hardly get along without it. I read it in part because it has great front-page articles (mostly non-financial), interesting editorials (did I mention I am a political junkie?) and great book reviews. I am always reading some book I would never have heard of without it.
But one big reason is because of the intriguing little articles and columns scattered through the inside pages. You can pick up all sorts of unusual information from reading them.
For example, Sharon Begley has a column called "Science Journal" that is always interesting. Last week she had one explaining how the police get innocent people to confess. No, I'm not talking the rubber hose treatment here. She explains that a lot of suspects are poorly educated, easily manipulated doofuses who will confess to anything if the cop is sympathetic ("I don't think you really intended to do it, I can understand how you might have just lost it") and convinces him they have so much evidence (ha!) that his best bet is to confess and hope for leniency. For instance, cops lied to one guy that his hair had been found in the dead girl's room, that her blood was in his bedroom, and that he had failed his polygraph. He got confused and thought he must have had a split personality who did it, and he confessed--only to be sprung loose later when they accidentally caught the real killer. According to this article, you shouldn't place much faith in confessions.
This week Begley has a column about water fleas. Interesting, huh? Well, actually it is. She describes these fleas that have little helmets that make it hard for fish to eat them, while other fleas with the same DNA don't. Some scientists divided up these helmeted fleas and put them in two different aquariums. They put fish scent in one aquarium and didn't in the other. The helmeted fleas in the one that had fish scent had offspring with helmets; the helmeted fleas in the one that didn't have fish scent produced offspring without helmets. According to the article, this shows that "a given genotype can develop in any of several ways depending on what environment it's in." Traits that we think are genetic may actually be "an artifact of how few environments people with that gene have been exposed to." Another example: Oak tree caterpillars that hatch in the spring eat oak blossoms and grow up to look like flowers; the same caterpillars that hatch in the summer eat leaves and grow up to look like leaves. She goes on to discuss similar studies in human beings, where different people can carry the same gene but will have totally different outcomes depending on their experiences. "The whole subject of what counts as innate has just exploded," she quotes one scientist as saying.
And, oh, I almost forgot: An article in the Journal last week ("Burning Rubber Gets Expensive") warned that a lot of new Hyundai's come equipped with high performance tires that wear out fast and cost $800 a set to replace. Anybody we know?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Try It, You'll Like It
In an effort to make my little cubicle more pleasant, I started spritzing a little perfume around. One day I accidentally sprayed my monitor. Suddenly, there was a field of tiny jewels sparkling in front of me. They twinkled like Christmas lights, changing color from red to blue to green and yellow as I moved. I liked it so much I spray a little bit on my monitor every day now. It just makes everything seem so festive.
In an effort to make my little cubicle more pleasant, I started spritzing a little perfume around. One day I accidentally sprayed my monitor. Suddenly, there was a field of tiny jewels sparkling in front of me. They twinkled like Christmas lights, changing color from red to blue to green and yellow as I moved. I liked it so much I spray a little bit on my monitor every day now. It just makes everything seem so festive.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Bleh
That's really all I need to say about the CG Jung book, but I'm going to force myself to give a little more detail. I was disappointed because the book didn't discuss depth psychology very much, but went on and on about Jung. He was a real dog. He thought it was ok to have affairs with his patients, and basically any woman he met. Monogamy was just wrong. I could look past cheating on his wife, but fooling around with his patients is just out of line.
I think he could have used some analysis of his own. He was petty and easily angered. He was from a different era, and had oldfasioned ideas. He thought women wearing pants was obscene. He thought you got jet lag because airplanes flew so fast your soul got left behind. He just didn't impress me at all. But now I think I will go ahead and check out a biography of Freud and see it he was any better.
That's really all I need to say about the CG Jung book, but I'm going to force myself to give a little more detail. I was disappointed because the book didn't discuss depth psychology very much, but went on and on about Jung. He was a real dog. He thought it was ok to have affairs with his patients, and basically any woman he met. Monogamy was just wrong. I could look past cheating on his wife, but fooling around with his patients is just out of line.
I think he could have used some analysis of his own. He was petty and easily angered. He was from a different era, and had oldfasioned ideas. He thought women wearing pants was obscene. He thought you got jet lag because airplanes flew so fast your soul got left behind. He just didn't impress me at all. But now I think I will go ahead and check out a biography of Freud and see it he was any better.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
It Was Just A Test, Really
I don't want everybody to think less of me, but I did drink a soda last night. It wasn't so much that I needed a soda, or really craved one. I just wanted to see if the old magic was still there. To tell the truth, it wasn't. It didn't seem like the same nectar of the Gods as it was two weeks ago. It was really thick and syrupy, way too sweet and not even refreshing in the least bit. I drank it, but I didn't enjoy it. I went all day today and never wanted a soda. I did want to drink a big bottle of caffeine today, but didn't want a soda. Unfortunately, I don't think giving up soda is going to result in much weight loss because I'm rewarding myself with chocolate and ice cream. At least I was before. Now not drinking soda isn't any problem so I don't guess I need to reward myself every time the thought of a soda crosses my mind and I don't run to the refrigerator and get one.
I don't want everybody to think less of me, but I did drink a soda last night. It wasn't so much that I needed a soda, or really craved one. I just wanted to see if the old magic was still there. To tell the truth, it wasn't. It didn't seem like the same nectar of the Gods as it was two weeks ago. It was really thick and syrupy, way too sweet and not even refreshing in the least bit. I drank it, but I didn't enjoy it. I went all day today and never wanted a soda. I did want to drink a big bottle of caffeine today, but didn't want a soda. Unfortunately, I don't think giving up soda is going to result in much weight loss because I'm rewarding myself with chocolate and ice cream. At least I was before. Now not drinking soda isn't any problem so I don't guess I need to reward myself every time the thought of a soda crosses my mind and I don't run to the refrigerator and get one.
GRANNY, GET YOUR GUN!
Granny is a step closer to saving her songbirds from Kitty. Wisconsin held its local Conservation Commission hearings this week, and the people attending voted to allow any licensed hunter to shoot stray cats.
Before Granny breaks out her AK-47 and and starts blasting Sylvester, though, a couple of things have to happen. First, the state Conservation Commission has to approve the proposal, and then the state legislature has to enact it into law. Can you imagine the catlovers descending en masse on the state capital? I'm sure they outnumber bird lovers at least 10 to 1.
Besides, it's just a cockamamie idea anyway. Most of the cat-versus-bird carnage that gets seen by bird lovers happens in town. Do you think having a hunting license is going to allow you to start shooting cats right and left? Every city, town, or little dump I ever lived in had an ordinance against discharging firearms in its limits. "But officer! He had a bird in his mouth!" aint gonna cut it.
As for feral cats in the country, people out there already shoot them on sight anyway and nobody says anything. They don't need a law. And guess what--they shoot stray dogs, too. It's part of the rural way of life, otherwise they would be overrun with pets that city people dump there.
And I still don't think it's the cats that are to blame for "our disappearing songbirds." It's the deer destroying the forest undergrowth, or maybe it's the farmers plowing up pastures and spraying their pesticides. Now there's an idea--issue licenses for hunters to shoot farmers. Nope, bad idea. They're already an endangered species. All the farmers I ever knew are extinct--either gone to town or gone to Jesus.
Take heart, little birdies! The Daily Cud is on your side.
Granny is a step closer to saving her songbirds from Kitty. Wisconsin held its local Conservation Commission hearings this week, and the people attending voted to allow any licensed hunter to shoot stray cats.
Before Granny breaks out her AK-47 and and starts blasting Sylvester, though, a couple of things have to happen. First, the state Conservation Commission has to approve the proposal, and then the state legislature has to enact it into law. Can you imagine the catlovers descending en masse on the state capital? I'm sure they outnumber bird lovers at least 10 to 1.
Besides, it's just a cockamamie idea anyway. Most of the cat-versus-bird carnage that gets seen by bird lovers happens in town. Do you think having a hunting license is going to allow you to start shooting cats right and left? Every city, town, or little dump I ever lived in had an ordinance against discharging firearms in its limits. "But officer! He had a bird in his mouth!" aint gonna cut it.
As for feral cats in the country, people out there already shoot them on sight anyway and nobody says anything. They don't need a law. And guess what--they shoot stray dogs, too. It's part of the rural way of life, otherwise they would be overrun with pets that city people dump there.
And I still don't think it's the cats that are to blame for "our disappearing songbirds." It's the deer destroying the forest undergrowth, or maybe it's the farmers plowing up pastures and spraying their pesticides. Now there's an idea--issue licenses for hunters to shoot farmers. Nope, bad idea. They're already an endangered species. All the farmers I ever knew are extinct--either gone to town or gone to Jesus.
Take heart, little birdies! The Daily Cud is on your side.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
I Admit Defeat
No, this doesn't mean I drank a soda. I have been real good at it so far. It's not hard when I'm at work, but when I'm at home with sodas in the frefrigerator tempting me I do think about opening the refrigerator and liberating one. Or two or three. Well, maybe four, five tops.
I have to admit defeat on a mouthwash issue. My husband has been buying some kind of blue Scope mouthwash. I went to the store and instead of buying 'his' mouthwash, I decided to buy orange flavored Listerene. The commercials say it's delicious, but they lie. It tastes horrible. It's like gargling with vodka. I looked at the lable, and no wonder. It's over 40 proof. Where was that during Drink Race 2000?
No, this doesn't mean I drank a soda. I have been real good at it so far. It's not hard when I'm at work, but when I'm at home with sodas in the frefrigerator tempting me I do think about opening the refrigerator and liberating one. Or two or three. Well, maybe four, five tops.
I have to admit defeat on a mouthwash issue. My husband has been buying some kind of blue Scope mouthwash. I went to the store and instead of buying 'his' mouthwash, I decided to buy orange flavored Listerene. The commercials say it's delicious, but they lie. It tastes horrible. It's like gargling with vodka. I looked at the lable, and no wonder. It's over 40 proof. Where was that during Drink Race 2000?
Jammy Day
I'm off work all day today. I was thinking about going in and picking up a couple of hours of overtime, but decided to stay home and have a jammy day. Unless I decide to go to the store or church, or work in the yard, I'm going to spend all day on the couch in my pajamas. I have a lot of stuff I want to do, but nothing that involves actually getting dressed. I have been promising The Girl that we would bake cookies, but either we both forget or something comes up and cookies never materialize. I don't know what kind of cookies I want to bake. I'm leaning toward chocolate chip oatmeal, but I got a bunch of cookie cutters and a rolling pin for Christmas that I still haven't used. I don't particularly like sugar cookies, but I could go for some gingerbread.
The other thing that I am doing is watching the original Star Trek all day long. We just switched satellite TV companies, and our new receiver has TiVo built in. It is sweet. Whenever I see a commercial for a show that sounds neat, I don't have to worry about forgetting it. I would almost never remember to watch things I wanted to. Even if I would circle the show in the TV book, or wrote it right across the cover, I would still forget all about it. Now whenever I see a commercial that sounds interesting, I just scroll forward to it on the guide and select it for saving. I also have all the shows that I like to watch marked and every time they come on the TiVo saves it so I can watch it whenever I like. Most nights I don't get home until 8 or 9, so I miss anything in prime time. Bite me, Network TV, I have TiVo now. Prime time is whenever I sit on the couch.
So today we are watching Star Trek for 7 hours. And burning the episodes on DVD's. Our old CD player started gimping out so we bought a new one with our tax rebate. We decided to go ahead and get one that recorded, too, since it wasn't much more expensive than one that just played CDs. So now my husband is on a quest to record every episode of Star Trek and South Park that comes on. You got to have a hobby I guess. We don't have very many disks, so he's going to stuff as many episodes as he can on them.
It is probably not going to be a jammy day all day, because there is a beautiful day outside and I have some bulbs that need planting in a flowerbed that needs weeding. I just want to wait until the afternoon when the flowerbed is shaded so I don't bake like a cake. I got these bulbs from a friend of mine, Marsha. She gave me some lilies and elephant ears. I never had either one before, so I'm looking forward to watching them grow.
My main problem with the flower bed is I actually like my weeds. I mean, look at those pictures and tell me if that doesn't look like some kind of seed catalog. Even their names are pretty. Roundleaf Mallo, Scarlet Pimpernel, Rabbitfoot Clover. For some strange reason, my husband doesn't agree. I think a great big Thistle plant looks neat, all covered in purple and pink flowers, and then all fluffy and white. Unfortunately, the police agree with my husband, so I'm forced to go against my will and pull out perfectly nice plants just because The Man says so. They're all a bunch of weedists. Not that I have any thistles growing right now, but I have a bunch of weeds that I think are really nice. I remember when I was little I would go out in the yard and pick bouquets of Henbit and Violets and Yellow Wood Sorrel. Not exactly Martha Stewart.
I'm off work all day today. I was thinking about going in and picking up a couple of hours of overtime, but decided to stay home and have a jammy day. Unless I decide to go to the store or church, or work in the yard, I'm going to spend all day on the couch in my pajamas. I have a lot of stuff I want to do, but nothing that involves actually getting dressed. I have been promising The Girl that we would bake cookies, but either we both forget or something comes up and cookies never materialize. I don't know what kind of cookies I want to bake. I'm leaning toward chocolate chip oatmeal, but I got a bunch of cookie cutters and a rolling pin for Christmas that I still haven't used. I don't particularly like sugar cookies, but I could go for some gingerbread.
The other thing that I am doing is watching the original Star Trek all day long. We just switched satellite TV companies, and our new receiver has TiVo built in. It is sweet. Whenever I see a commercial for a show that sounds neat, I don't have to worry about forgetting it. I would almost never remember to watch things I wanted to. Even if I would circle the show in the TV book, or wrote it right across the cover, I would still forget all about it. Now whenever I see a commercial that sounds interesting, I just scroll forward to it on the guide and select it for saving. I also have all the shows that I like to watch marked and every time they come on the TiVo saves it so I can watch it whenever I like. Most nights I don't get home until 8 or 9, so I miss anything in prime time. Bite me, Network TV, I have TiVo now. Prime time is whenever I sit on the couch.
So today we are watching Star Trek for 7 hours. And burning the episodes on DVD's. Our old CD player started gimping out so we bought a new one with our tax rebate. We decided to go ahead and get one that recorded, too, since it wasn't much more expensive than one that just played CDs. So now my husband is on a quest to record every episode of Star Trek and South Park that comes on. You got to have a hobby I guess. We don't have very many disks, so he's going to stuff as many episodes as he can on them.
It is probably not going to be a jammy day all day, because there is a beautiful day outside and I have some bulbs that need planting in a flowerbed that needs weeding. I just want to wait until the afternoon when the flowerbed is shaded so I don't bake like a cake. I got these bulbs from a friend of mine, Marsha. She gave me some lilies and elephant ears. I never had either one before, so I'm looking forward to watching them grow.
My main problem with the flower bed is I actually like my weeds. I mean, look at those pictures and tell me if that doesn't look like some kind of seed catalog. Even their names are pretty. Roundleaf Mallo, Scarlet Pimpernel, Rabbitfoot Clover. For some strange reason, my husband doesn't agree. I think a great big Thistle plant looks neat, all covered in purple and pink flowers, and then all fluffy and white. Unfortunately, the police agree with my husband, so I'm forced to go against my will and pull out perfectly nice plants just because The Man says so. They're all a bunch of weedists. Not that I have any thistles growing right now, but I have a bunch of weeds that I think are really nice. I remember when I was little I would go out in the yard and pick bouquets of Henbit and Violets and Yellow Wood Sorrel. Not exactly Martha Stewart.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
THE LIBRARY LIZARD
EEK! AN ECO-THRILLER!
For some time now villains have been pretty much right-wing types: greedy businessmen, corrupt politicians, rogue CIA agents, and the like. Michael Crichton's new eco-thriller "State of Fear" (HarperCollins, 2004) gives us a new baddie--the evil environmentalist. As Kinky Friedman would say, "Hold the weddin'!" What the heck's going on here?
The plot of this 603-pager boils down basically to this: The leading environmental organizations are being run by evil men who will stop at nothing to (a) rake in the money and (b) cement their power by fake alarms about impending global disaster. When I say they will stop at nothing, I mean they will try to blast loose a monster iceberg from the Antartican ice shelf, seed the clouds to cause disastrous floods in the American Southwest, and spawn a horrendous tsunami by triggering underseas landslides in the Pacific, just to name a few of their nefarious schemes.
The heroes are a mixed bag: a noble businessman, a scientist who sees through the humbug, a lawyer who slowly comes to realize who the bad guys are, a couple of feisty females, a dopey Hollywood action-film actor, and several minor characters. Their lives are in constant peril. The businessman disappears, the victim of a suspicious wreck-off-a-cliff-into-the-ocean. The lawyer and his lady friend fall into a deep ice crevasse in Antarctica, are zapped by artificial lightning in a laboratory, are struck by real lightning in Arizona (generated, of course, by the environmentalists), and are captured by cannibals on a Pacific Island. (The actor, who is captured with them, has no more sense than to be flattered when the cannibals admiringly feel his thighs and bulging biceps.)
Hokey hardly describes it. The book reminds me of those serials we used to see at the Saturday picture shows, where each chapter ends in a cliff-hanger. And the characters are so broadly drawn they are almost laughable. But at the same time, it is an entertaining yarn. If you are in the mood for a real page-turner, you can't beat this one.
It is also an educational book, the only novel I have ever read that is studded with footnotes. And folded in with the action there are long dissertations about environmental issues, mostly disputing the views held by leading environmentalists. Crichton takes a contrarian view of almost everything the scientific community believes today about the threat to the planet, and he makes a pretty convincing case. He ends the book with a 20-page annotated bibliography of sources for further reading, some of which I intend to sample.
Who knows? Maybe the good news is, the bad news is wrong. But that's for another blogging.
EEK! AN ECO-THRILLER!
For some time now villains have been pretty much right-wing types: greedy businessmen, corrupt politicians, rogue CIA agents, and the like. Michael Crichton's new eco-thriller "State of Fear" (HarperCollins, 2004) gives us a new baddie--the evil environmentalist. As Kinky Friedman would say, "Hold the weddin'!" What the heck's going on here?
The plot of this 603-pager boils down basically to this: The leading environmental organizations are being run by evil men who will stop at nothing to (a) rake in the money and (b) cement their power by fake alarms about impending global disaster. When I say they will stop at nothing, I mean they will try to blast loose a monster iceberg from the Antartican ice shelf, seed the clouds to cause disastrous floods in the American Southwest, and spawn a horrendous tsunami by triggering underseas landslides in the Pacific, just to name a few of their nefarious schemes.
The heroes are a mixed bag: a noble businessman, a scientist who sees through the humbug, a lawyer who slowly comes to realize who the bad guys are, a couple of feisty females, a dopey Hollywood action-film actor, and several minor characters. Their lives are in constant peril. The businessman disappears, the victim of a suspicious wreck-off-a-cliff-into-the-ocean. The lawyer and his lady friend fall into a deep ice crevasse in Antarctica, are zapped by artificial lightning in a laboratory, are struck by real lightning in Arizona (generated, of course, by the environmentalists), and are captured by cannibals on a Pacific Island. (The actor, who is captured with them, has no more sense than to be flattered when the cannibals admiringly feel his thighs and bulging biceps.)
Hokey hardly describes it. The book reminds me of those serials we used to see at the Saturday picture shows, where each chapter ends in a cliff-hanger. And the characters are so broadly drawn they are almost laughable. But at the same time, it is an entertaining yarn. If you are in the mood for a real page-turner, you can't beat this one.
It is also an educational book, the only novel I have ever read that is studded with footnotes. And folded in with the action there are long dissertations about environmental issues, mostly disputing the views held by leading environmentalists. Crichton takes a contrarian view of almost everything the scientific community believes today about the threat to the planet, and he makes a pretty convincing case. He ends the book with a 20-page annotated bibliography of sources for further reading, some of which I intend to sample.
Who knows? Maybe the good news is, the bad news is wrong. But that's for another blogging.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Sundrop Update
I know everybody has been wondering how well my willpower has held up. So far I have gone without any soda, except a few sips just to be polite, for 6 days. Since the last time I had a soda was actually last Wednesday morning for breakfast, I have actually gone 7 days if you count hourly, but I'm not that fixated on it.
And, in case you were also wondering, I am about half-way through the Jung autobiography. I'm all the way up to 1930. Whoo-hoo! They spent a lot of time in the beginning of the book talking about the relationship between Jung and Freud, so I think I might check out a biography of Freud next and compare how they describe Jung in that book. If I'm not sick to death of the whole thing by then, which is getting more and more likely.
I know everybody has been wondering how well my willpower has held up. So far I have gone without any soda, except a few sips just to be polite, for 6 days. Since the last time I had a soda was actually last Wednesday morning for breakfast, I have actually gone 7 days if you count hourly, but I'm not that fixated on it.
And, in case you were also wondering, I am about half-way through the Jung autobiography. I'm all the way up to 1930. Whoo-hoo! They spent a lot of time in the beginning of the book talking about the relationship between Jung and Freud, so I think I might check out a biography of Freud next and compare how they describe Jung in that book. If I'm not sick to death of the whole thing by then, which is getting more and more likely.
SANDY SCISSORHANDS JUST FORGOT!
Sandy Berger's plea deal rang a bell with me somehow but I couldn't remember what it was, until I ran across this old Steve Martin routine, and then I screamed, "THAT'S IT!"
I can see it now:
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: Mr. Berger, what were you doing with those classified documents in you underpants?
BERGER: I forgot! I forgot that you aren't supposed to take classified documents out of the National Archives in your underpants!
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: You took classified government documents about terrorism out of the archives and shredded them with scissors. And you say you forgot?
BERGER: Well, excuuuuuse me!
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: Oh. Okay.
Sandy Berger's plea deal rang a bell with me somehow but I couldn't remember what it was, until I ran across this old Steve Martin routine, and then I screamed, "THAT'S IT!"
You can be a millionaire, and never pay taxes! You can be a millionaire, and never pay taxes! You say, "Steve, how can I be a millionaire.. and never pay taxes?" First, get a million dollars. Now, you say, "Steve, what do I say to the tax man when he comes to my door and says, 'You have never paid taxes'?" Two simple words. Two simple words in the English language: "I forgot!"
How many times do we let ourselves get into terrible situations because we don't say "I forgot"? Let's say you're on trial for armed robbery. You say to the judge, "I forgot armed robbery was illegal." Let's suppose he says back to you, "You have committed a foul crime. you have stolen hundreds and thousands of dollars from people at random, and you say, 'I forgot'?" Two simple words: Excuuuuuse me!!
I can see it now:
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: Mr. Berger, what were you doing with those classified documents in you underpants?
BERGER: I forgot! I forgot that you aren't supposed to take classified documents out of the National Archives in your underpants!
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: You took classified government documents about terrorism out of the archives and shredded them with scissors. And you say you forgot?
BERGER: Well, excuuuuuse me!
JUSTICE DEPARTMENT: Oh. Okay.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Bless You
Today's Medical Monday is all about sneezing. To prevent a sneeze, all you have to do is look at a bright light. I'm assuming you aren't supposed to look at the sun or anything, but something bright. I don't know if actually seeing the light is what is supposed to make it work, or if it is supposed to work because you usually tilt your head up to see lights. As usual, I haven't tested this remedy out myself. When I have to sneeze I never remember to look at a light until it's too late.
Now you know.
Today's Medical Monday is all about sneezing. To prevent a sneeze, all you have to do is look at a bright light. I'm assuming you aren't supposed to look at the sun or anything, but something bright. I don't know if actually seeing the light is what is supposed to make it work, or if it is supposed to work because you usually tilt your head up to see lights. As usual, I haven't tested this remedy out myself. When I have to sneeze I never remember to look at a light until it's too late.
Now you know.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
And A Good Time Was Had By All
Thursday was The Girl's 18th birthday. She didn't get a whole lot of presents, since my husband doesn't have a job right now. She did get a couple of things. A hat and ring, a couple of little teddy bears. I found her a little teddy bear dressed up like a wizzard, with a big pointy hat and a cape. I call it Teddy Potter.
Thursday night we barbequed and had a few friends over. Also on Thurday I drank my last Sundrop. I decided to really quit drinking sodas, starting on April 1st. The party on Thursday was really low key, but everybody stayed too late considering it was a school night, and I had to go to work Friday.
Friday was the official party, with friends of hers from school spending the night. Since I couldn't give her any more pressents, I decided to give her something she had wanted pretty much ever since she moved in. I got drunk. Not falling down, puking on myself drunk, but I had a couple of margaritas. She thought it was the funniest thing ever. She is easily amused.
Then last night we went to a friend's house and had another barbeque and a really nice bonfire. She wanted to spend the night there, but we are so mean we made her come home. Considering we stayed until midnight, I don't feel very bad about making her come home with us. She's still sleeping right now, and I should be getting ready to go to work, but I wanted to go ahead and do a little blogging.
Thursday was The Girl's 18th birthday. She didn't get a whole lot of presents, since my husband doesn't have a job right now. She did get a couple of things. A hat and ring, a couple of little teddy bears. I found her a little teddy bear dressed up like a wizzard, with a big pointy hat and a cape. I call it Teddy Potter.
Thursday night we barbequed and had a few friends over. Also on Thurday I drank my last Sundrop. I decided to really quit drinking sodas, starting on April 1st. The party on Thursday was really low key, but everybody stayed too late considering it was a school night, and I had to go to work Friday.
Friday was the official party, with friends of hers from school spending the night. Since I couldn't give her any more pressents, I decided to give her something she had wanted pretty much ever since she moved in. I got drunk. Not falling down, puking on myself drunk, but I had a couple of margaritas. She thought it was the funniest thing ever. She is easily amused.
Then last night we went to a friend's house and had another barbeque and a really nice bonfire. She wanted to spend the night there, but we are so mean we made her come home. Considering we stayed until midnight, I don't feel very bad about making her come home with us. She's still sleeping right now, and I should be getting ready to go to work, but I wanted to go ahead and do a little blogging.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
THE CYNIC'S GUIDE TO LIFE
from "ThatsComedy.com"
1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in
your underwear during a fire drill.
2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or
later, you'll inhale a bee.
3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just
leave me alone.
4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take
another road. That's why the highway department made so many of
them.
5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing
gets the message across like a good mooning.
6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to
steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
8. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car
windows are down.
9. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess
on the neighbor's car!
10. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to
remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or
an Indian burn.
11. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
12. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the
wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.
13. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your
land.
from "ThatsComedy.com"
1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in
your underwear during a fire drill.
2. Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or
later, you'll inhale a bee.
3. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just
leave me alone.
4. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take
another road. That's why the highway department made so many of
them.
5. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing
gets the message across like a good mooning.
6. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the
neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
7. It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to
steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
8. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car
windows are down.
9. Just remember: You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess
on the neighbor's car!
10. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to
remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or
an Indian burn.
11. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
12. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the
wheel, it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.
13. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your
land.
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