Spring Cleaning
Spring is in the air and I'm in the mood to throw shit away. I had a plan for today, and actually did what I planned. There is a closet in the middle bedroom that was so piled full of shit there wasn't room for any more. My husband and I moved here 7 or 8 years ago, and most of the stuff in that closet hasn't seen the light of day since we moved in. We pulled all of it out, except a stack of jigsaw puzzles, and piled in on the livingroom floor. Most of it was clothes, but there was also a big box full of just absolute junk. Old paperwork from two jobs ago, manuals for phones and things we don't even own anymore. Stuff that should have been thrown away years ago, but instead I stuffed it in the closet.
Out of a closet full of junk, I think we only saved about 2 or 3 grocery bags of stuff. A couple of pairs of shoes, a jug of pennies, a bag of kitchen towels, some yarn and embroidery floss. Real treasures. Now we have 2 trash cans full ready to haul to the curb Sunday night and a van full of clothes and other stuff to drop off at the Goodwill. My husband even decided to get rid of a big bag full of baseball caps. He even decided they were in such bad shape they weren't worth taking to the Goodwill. But they were so important we saved them in the closet all this time.
It feels good to get rid of all that junk. I knew it was almost all clothes that didn't fit anyway, so it was easy to get rid of most of it. There is another closet, in the office, that is full of all kinds of junk. It's going to be harder to go through all that stuff because we're going to have to actually look at most of it and figure out what it is. Does this manual go to anything we still own? Does this answering machine work or not? Do we really need to save the empty box the computer speakers came in? My husband is one of those people who thinks you should save the boxes things come in. That way if you ever move, and still have whatever came in the box, you can pack it in the original box. Somebody from a mail list I'm on had the same problem with her husband, so she just folded up one box a week and took it out with the trash. By the time her husband even noticed, she had almost gotten rid of all of them. My husband isn't all that bad, and I also have a problem throwing away shoe boxes, so I can't really complain.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Friday, February 27, 2004
New Look
I got tired of the look of the Daily Cud, so today I decided to use a different template. Blogger offers six or seven different styles, just click a button and presto, chango, new look. I could learn HTML and make up my own, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I could, I know I really could, I just don't want to mess with it. It took long enough to figure out how to add hyperlinks when I started writing this. Now I have been trying to figure out how to add permanent links so I could set up a section by the links to the archives with links to the book and movie reviews I plan on writing, and just that much HTML is driving me insane. I am going to get some tutoring from my neighbor this weekend. He is a computer super-freak. Actually, I don't know if he's a computer super-freak, I am just writing that to suck up to him in case he reads this.
Gay Marriages
The Onion has a hilarious article on gay marriages this week. It is funnier than shit. I'm linking to the article, but I doubt if the link will last more than a couple of weeks or a month. The link I put in here earlier to the article about the guy that complained that his mother found his blog doesn't work anymore. The Onion Rocks, but they can't keep everything on-line indefinitely. I just wish I had copied and pasted that article somewhere. I just didn't want to plagiarize anything. I know you can copy parts of things for educational purposes, so I'm going to educate you on the gay marriage issue.
From The Onion:
Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry
BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4 million compulsory same-sex marriages that will take place in the state by May 15.
"As we are all aware, it's simply not possible for gay marriage and heterosexual marriage to co-exist," Massachusetts Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall said. "Our ruling in November was just the first step toward creating an all-gay Massachusetts."
Marshall added: "Since the allowance of gay marriage undermines heterosexual unions, we decided to work a few steps ahead and strike down opposite-sex unions altogether."
snip
Hundreds of confused but vocal protesters lined the street outside the statehouse Monday night, waving both American and rainbow flags. Their chants, which broke out in pockets up and down the street, included, "Hey hey, ho ho, homophobia's got to go, but frankly, this is fucked up" and "Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, but not Adam and Some Random Guy." Others held signs that read, "On Second Thought, Boston Christians Are Willing To Consider A Compromise."
There is more on the Onion's web page, you've got to check it out. Funny, funny, funny. Also, there's an article on Bush. He's always good for a few chuckles.
On a more serious note, I don't understand why straight people are so uptight about gay people wanting to get married. If two adults love each other, and want to spend their lives together, why does it matter what sex they are? I think part of the problem is when straight people think of gays, the vision that pops into their heads is what I call Fags on Floats. You know them, the flaming fags, the ones that like to ride in parades wearing nothing but a long curly blonde wig, leather chaps, and a tiger-print G-string. That's probably about .002% of the gay population of the US, but it's what people remember. How could you forget seeing something like that. On the other hand, why would you even notice the gay couple in business suits standing next to you watching the parade? Or the lesbian couple in the grocery store arguing over which brand of coffee is really good to the last drop?
If people want to 'protect' marriage, they should outlaw divorces, not gay marriages. That's coming from someone who has been divorced. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't get divorced. Maybe I would still be married to my first husband, or maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to get married the first time if I had felt like that whole 'till death do us part' thing was for real. Everybody knows that's just a formality, like having 'In God we trust' on all our money. People also say they are trying to 'protect the children' but that's a bunch of bullshit, too. How does outlawing gay marriage protect anybody? It doesn't help the kid on welfare whose mother has to work two jobs because her deadbeat ex won't pay child support. It doesn't help the kid who has to watch his alcoholic father beat his mother.
Most people don't realize marriage is a legal contract, not just a religious ceremony. I got married twice, and never had a religious service. Both times I just went to the court house, found a judge, and got married. No preacher, no church, no rice in my hair. I could have gone to the church, walked down the aisle and done the whole spread, but without the paper from the courthouse it wouldn't have been legal. Most states have common-law marriages, where if you live together for so many years you are automatically married, whether you wanted to be or not. No preacher, no judge, not even a piece of paper.
Anyway, I think the government should marry any two adults that want to get married. If the Baptists or Mormons or Catholics don't want to marry two men, they don't have to perform the ceremony. Nobody's going to twist their arms. But they shouldn't be able to dictate the rules for everybody else.
I got tired of the look of the Daily Cud, so today I decided to use a different template. Blogger offers six or seven different styles, just click a button and presto, chango, new look. I could learn HTML and make up my own, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I could, I know I really could, I just don't want to mess with it. It took long enough to figure out how to add hyperlinks when I started writing this. Now I have been trying to figure out how to add permanent links so I could set up a section by the links to the archives with links to the book and movie reviews I plan on writing, and just that much HTML is driving me insane. I am going to get some tutoring from my neighbor this weekend. He is a computer super-freak. Actually, I don't know if he's a computer super-freak, I am just writing that to suck up to him in case he reads this.
Gay Marriages
The Onion has a hilarious article on gay marriages this week. It is funnier than shit. I'm linking to the article, but I doubt if the link will last more than a couple of weeks or a month. The link I put in here earlier to the article about the guy that complained that his mother found his blog doesn't work anymore. The Onion Rocks, but they can't keep everything on-line indefinitely. I just wish I had copied and pasted that article somewhere. I just didn't want to plagiarize anything. I know you can copy parts of things for educational purposes, so I'm going to educate you on the gay marriage issue.
From The Onion:
Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry
BOSTON—Justices of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled 5-2 Monday in favor of full, equal, and mandatory gay marriages for all citizens. The order nullifies all pre-existing heterosexual marriages and lays the groundwork for the 2.4 million compulsory same-sex marriages that will take place in the state by May 15.
"As we are all aware, it's simply not possible for gay marriage and heterosexual marriage to co-exist," Massachusetts Chief Justice Margaret H. Marshall said. "Our ruling in November was just the first step toward creating an all-gay Massachusetts."
Marshall added: "Since the allowance of gay marriage undermines heterosexual unions, we decided to work a few steps ahead and strike down opposite-sex unions altogether."
snip
Hundreds of confused but vocal protesters lined the street outside the statehouse Monday night, waving both American and rainbow flags. Their chants, which broke out in pockets up and down the street, included, "Hey hey, ho ho, homophobia's got to go, but frankly, this is fucked up" and "Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve, but not Adam and Some Random Guy." Others held signs that read, "On Second Thought, Boston Christians Are Willing To Consider A Compromise."
There is more on the Onion's web page, you've got to check it out. Funny, funny, funny. Also, there's an article on Bush. He's always good for a few chuckles.
On a more serious note, I don't understand why straight people are so uptight about gay people wanting to get married. If two adults love each other, and want to spend their lives together, why does it matter what sex they are? I think part of the problem is when straight people think of gays, the vision that pops into their heads is what I call Fags on Floats. You know them, the flaming fags, the ones that like to ride in parades wearing nothing but a long curly blonde wig, leather chaps, and a tiger-print G-string. That's probably about .002% of the gay population of the US, but it's what people remember. How could you forget seeing something like that. On the other hand, why would you even notice the gay couple in business suits standing next to you watching the parade? Or the lesbian couple in the grocery store arguing over which brand of coffee is really good to the last drop?
If people want to 'protect' marriage, they should outlaw divorces, not gay marriages. That's coming from someone who has been divorced. I don't know what I would have done if I couldn't get divorced. Maybe I would still be married to my first husband, or maybe I wouldn't have been so quick to get married the first time if I had felt like that whole 'till death do us part' thing was for real. Everybody knows that's just a formality, like having 'In God we trust' on all our money. People also say they are trying to 'protect the children' but that's a bunch of bullshit, too. How does outlawing gay marriage protect anybody? It doesn't help the kid on welfare whose mother has to work two jobs because her deadbeat ex won't pay child support. It doesn't help the kid who has to watch his alcoholic father beat his mother.
Most people don't realize marriage is a legal contract, not just a religious ceremony. I got married twice, and never had a religious service. Both times I just went to the court house, found a judge, and got married. No preacher, no church, no rice in my hair. I could have gone to the church, walked down the aisle and done the whole spread, but without the paper from the courthouse it wouldn't have been legal. Most states have common-law marriages, where if you live together for so many years you are automatically married, whether you wanted to be or not. No preacher, no judge, not even a piece of paper.
Anyway, I think the government should marry any two adults that want to get married. If the Baptists or Mormons or Catholics don't want to marry two men, they don't have to perform the ceremony. Nobody's going to twist their arms. But they shouldn't be able to dictate the rules for everybody else.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Slang, Then and Now
I have been thinking about slang. I already introduced you to my husband's favorite, 'fucked up like a can of worms'. There are a couple of other terms that have been swirling around my head that I thought I would share with you.
One is pretty juvenile. My neighbor has a cute saying he uses when he has to go to the bathroom. Instead of taking a dump, or going number two, he drops off a stink pickle. This is a grown up adult person, too, not a ten-year-old. I don't know where he came up with that one, and don't think I want to know.
The other two slang terms are from back in the good old days when I was in high school. I don't know why I have been thinking about them lately, but thought slang is a good subject for blogging.
Cake was a popular slang in my school. If something was easy, instead of saying it was a piece of cake, you would just say cake. If someone asked about a math test, or if you thought your team was going to win the big game, you would just say cake. If something was especially easy, if the math test was just five true or false questions, or the big game was against the Louisville Losers, you could say cupcake.
On the other hand, if everything turned out wrong, if the math test was a nightmare, or the big game was against the Danton Destroyers, there was another slang term to use. It came from an old Peanuts Halloween cartoon. When the kids were out trick-or-treating they would compare what they got from each house. Linus might get a chocolate bar, Lucy a popcorn ball, and so on. Every time it came to poor Charlie Brown he said the same thing, 'I got a rock." That became a very popular saying at my school. I don't know why high school students were watching a Peanuts cartoon, but I still transform my problems into rocks. Some are boulders, some are just pebbles.
There are some other slang terms I wanted to write about, but thought I would save them for last. It's a little x-rated, like 'fucked up like a can of worms' so if you are easily offended, STOP READING!
Anyway, my husband, and the stink pickle neighbor, have a saying for when everything goes wrong. Actually, there are two terms they use. It's either a cluster fuck, or a dick dance. Cluster fuck is when everything that could go wrong does go wrong. Everything starts to unravel and you just want to scream. A dick dance is not quite the same as a cluster fuck. Bureaucratic mazes full of red tape and forms filled out in triplicate are dick dances. Dick dances often lead to cluster fucks, and a lot of times it takes a dick dance to get out of a cluster fuck.
I have been thinking about slang. I already introduced you to my husband's favorite, 'fucked up like a can of worms'. There are a couple of other terms that have been swirling around my head that I thought I would share with you.
One is pretty juvenile. My neighbor has a cute saying he uses when he has to go to the bathroom. Instead of taking a dump, or going number two, he drops off a stink pickle. This is a grown up adult person, too, not a ten-year-old. I don't know where he came up with that one, and don't think I want to know.
The other two slang terms are from back in the good old days when I was in high school. I don't know why I have been thinking about them lately, but thought slang is a good subject for blogging.
Cake was a popular slang in my school. If something was easy, instead of saying it was a piece of cake, you would just say cake. If someone asked about a math test, or if you thought your team was going to win the big game, you would just say cake. If something was especially easy, if the math test was just five true or false questions, or the big game was against the Louisville Losers, you could say cupcake.
On the other hand, if everything turned out wrong, if the math test was a nightmare, or the big game was against the Danton Destroyers, there was another slang term to use. It came from an old Peanuts Halloween cartoon. When the kids were out trick-or-treating they would compare what they got from each house. Linus might get a chocolate bar, Lucy a popcorn ball, and so on. Every time it came to poor Charlie Brown he said the same thing, 'I got a rock." That became a very popular saying at my school. I don't know why high school students were watching a Peanuts cartoon, but I still transform my problems into rocks. Some are boulders, some are just pebbles.
There are some other slang terms I wanted to write about, but thought I would save them for last. It's a little x-rated, like 'fucked up like a can of worms' so if you are easily offended, STOP READING!
Anyway, my husband, and the stink pickle neighbor, have a saying for when everything goes wrong. Actually, there are two terms they use. It's either a cluster fuck, or a dick dance. Cluster fuck is when everything that could go wrong does go wrong. Everything starts to unravel and you just want to scream. A dick dance is not quite the same as a cluster fuck. Bureaucratic mazes full of red tape and forms filled out in triplicate are dick dances. Dick dances often lead to cluster fucks, and a lot of times it takes a dick dance to get out of a cluster fuck.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
M113131
My husband and I are both ham radio operators. We went to a storm spotter class tonight. It was way cool. There was a guy from the national weather service showing slides of different storm clouds, showing how tornados form and what to look for in cloud formations that might indicate dangerous weather.
One thing he pointed out is if you are watching a storm, and a tornado forms, check to see if it starts moving left or right. He said tornados rarely stay in one place. If it isn't moving left or right, that means it's either moving towards you or away from you. If you're watching it and it doesn't seem to move, but keeps getting bigger and bigger, that means it is moving. Right at you. Run. Run for your life. If you run to the right or left maybe you can get out of it's path, because chances are if you and the tornado are heading in the same direction the tornado will run over you like a freight train.
My husband and I are both ham radio operators. We went to a storm spotter class tonight. It was way cool. There was a guy from the national weather service showing slides of different storm clouds, showing how tornados form and what to look for in cloud formations that might indicate dangerous weather.
One thing he pointed out is if you are watching a storm, and a tornado forms, check to see if it starts moving left or right. He said tornados rarely stay in one place. If it isn't moving left or right, that means it's either moving towards you or away from you. If you're watching it and it doesn't seem to move, but keeps getting bigger and bigger, that means it is moving. Right at you. Run. Run for your life. If you run to the right or left maybe you can get out of it's path, because chances are if you and the tornado are heading in the same direction the tornado will run over you like a freight train.
Monday, February 23, 2004
Love the Library
I love the library. I should go there more. I was going to bid on a book on E-bay, but something whispered 'check the library' in my ear. The book I was looking at is The Legend of Pope Joan, about a woman that supposedly infiltrated the Catholic church and actually became pope hundreds of years ago, not sure when. I'm not sure if it actually happened, I guess that's why they named it the legend instead of the fact. Anyway, I checked the local library, and they have about 10 copies scattered around the city. So I can read it right now for free instead of bidding, and then waiting to see if I win, and then waiting for the book to get shipped here. I actually already did all that last week, but I ended up loosing the auction. Now I'm glad I lost. I also like to check prices at Bizrate before I bid on things. A lot of times I can find things there for less than the opening bid on Ebay.
Little Dog Update
Little Dog is doing a lot better. She has two kinds of medicine we have to mix with her food, but I don't remember what either of them are. My mom suggested we give her a stuffed animal to satisfy any motherly cravings she's having. She has all kinds of stuffed animals. Whenever I go to the Goodwill I pick up a couple of beanie babies or similar little stuffed animals. She likes carrying them around, but after a while she decides it's more fun to pretend they are little rats instead of little babies. I guess all mommies feel that way occasionally. She especially likes the floppier ones that rattle when she shakes them. She also has a great big teddy bear, but she has a romantic relationship with it. She's a liberated, 21st Century dog.
And Now For Something Completely Different
If you work in an office, and want to drive your co-workers insane, put your browser on this page and leave it running while you take a leasurely trip to the water cooler. There is also a Satanic parady of the Hamster Dance, with the music played backwards and blood dripping from the hamsters. I'm not sure which I like better. I think the original, just because it takes me back to when I first got on line.
I love the library. I should go there more. I was going to bid on a book on E-bay, but something whispered 'check the library' in my ear. The book I was looking at is The Legend of Pope Joan, about a woman that supposedly infiltrated the Catholic church and actually became pope hundreds of years ago, not sure when. I'm not sure if it actually happened, I guess that's why they named it the legend instead of the fact. Anyway, I checked the local library, and they have about 10 copies scattered around the city. So I can read it right now for free instead of bidding, and then waiting to see if I win, and then waiting for the book to get shipped here. I actually already did all that last week, but I ended up loosing the auction. Now I'm glad I lost. I also like to check prices at Bizrate before I bid on things. A lot of times I can find things there for less than the opening bid on Ebay.
Little Dog Update
Little Dog is doing a lot better. She has two kinds of medicine we have to mix with her food, but I don't remember what either of them are. My mom suggested we give her a stuffed animal to satisfy any motherly cravings she's having. She has all kinds of stuffed animals. Whenever I go to the Goodwill I pick up a couple of beanie babies or similar little stuffed animals. She likes carrying them around, but after a while she decides it's more fun to pretend they are little rats instead of little babies. I guess all mommies feel that way occasionally. She especially likes the floppier ones that rattle when she shakes them. She also has a great big teddy bear, but she has a romantic relationship with it. She's a liberated, 21st Century dog.
And Now For Something Completely Different
If you work in an office, and want to drive your co-workers insane, put your browser on this page and leave it running while you take a leasurely trip to the water cooler. There is also a Satanic parady of the Hamster Dance, with the music played backwards and blood dripping from the hamsters. I'm not sure which I like better. I think the original, just because it takes me back to when I first got on line.
Friday, February 20, 2004
Into Thin Air: Death on Everest
I decided to start a book and movie review collection. A way to keep track of what I'm feeding my brain. Maybe sometime later I will want to tell somebody about a book I read or a movie I saw, and this way I can just tell them to look it up in the Daily Cud.
Anyway, tonight I watched a really good movie on the satellite about a group of mountain climbers that attempt to climb Mount Everest. They all made it to the top, but some of them didn't make it back down the mountain. It was filmed in 1997, but I'm not sure when the climb happened. It was a true story. NPR interviewed one of the climbers, Jon Krakauer, on NPR. Watching it made me decide climbing Mount Everest wouldn't be very much fun. The air is so thin, it's like you're being strangled constantly. The view from the summit was impressive, if that was the real summit and not a computer generated imitation.
I felt so bad for the mountain climbers. There were two or three groups led by professional guides with Sherpas helping them. The clients were a bunch of less experienced climbers. They basically thought they could book a tour to the top of Everest. I don't know if they realized how dangerous and difficult the climb was. I think maybe if the groups had been smaller, or some of the climbers had been more experienced things wouldn't have turned out so bad. The better climbers spent too much energy helping the weaker climbers, then when things really got tough they didn't have the strength to keep going.
I'm going to have to come up with a rating system for my reviews. Something bovine related. I guess for now I'll just say this movie gets two thumbs up.
I decided to start a book and movie review collection. A way to keep track of what I'm feeding my brain. Maybe sometime later I will want to tell somebody about a book I read or a movie I saw, and this way I can just tell them to look it up in the Daily Cud.
Anyway, tonight I watched a really good movie on the satellite about a group of mountain climbers that attempt to climb Mount Everest. They all made it to the top, but some of them didn't make it back down the mountain. It was filmed in 1997, but I'm not sure when the climb happened. It was a true story. NPR interviewed one of the climbers, Jon Krakauer, on NPR. Watching it made me decide climbing Mount Everest wouldn't be very much fun. The air is so thin, it's like you're being strangled constantly. The view from the summit was impressive, if that was the real summit and not a computer generated imitation.
I felt so bad for the mountain climbers. There were two or three groups led by professional guides with Sherpas helping them. The clients were a bunch of less experienced climbers. They basically thought they could book a tour to the top of Everest. I don't know if they realized how dangerous and difficult the climb was. I think maybe if the groups had been smaller, or some of the climbers had been more experienced things wouldn't have turned out so bad. The better climbers spent too much energy helping the weaker climbers, then when things really got tough they didn't have the strength to keep going.
I'm going to have to come up with a rating system for my reviews. Something bovine related. I guess for now I'll just say this movie gets two thumbs up.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Well, I spent another day marinating in Old English. I'm going to go put in an application to be a 911 dispatcher tomorrow. I think that would be a lot more interesting than the monkey work I'm doing now. My favorite TV channel is Court TV, and every now and then they have a 911 dispatcher on the stand, telling about the screams and gun shots from the 911 calls. That would be cool.
I was on TV once, way back when I was in fifth or sixth grade. My class took a field trip to one of the TV stations in St. Louis and some of the students got to be contestants on a children's game show. Not me. I got to be the big dork spinning the wheel that decided what questions the luckier kids got. The host would say "Spin the Wheel, Ruthie' every time I was supposed to spin the stupid wheel. After that every now and then someone at school would tease me by repeating "Spin the Wheel, Ruthie" over and over. God, how I hated that. I'm sure I was absolutely adorable, but I'm glad I don't have a tape of it. It's one of those things you wish you could forget, but you know you never will.
I was on TV once, way back when I was in fifth or sixth grade. My class took a field trip to one of the TV stations in St. Louis and some of the students got to be contestants on a children's game show. Not me. I got to be the big dork spinning the wheel that decided what questions the luckier kids got. The host would say "Spin the Wheel, Ruthie' every time I was supposed to spin the stupid wheel. After that every now and then someone at school would tease me by repeating "Spin the Wheel, Ruthie" over and over. God, how I hated that. I'm sure I was absolutely adorable, but I'm glad I don't have a tape of it. It's one of those things you wish you could forget, but you know you never will.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
My Boring Life
Well, there isn't much to write about today, but I want to write anyway. I can't really call this the Daily Cud if I only write once or twice a week. I just don't usually have many interesting things to write about. I could bore everybody with more tales from work, but not much has happened at work, either. There have been a lot of machine problems at work. Especially on the Old English line. It takes nine machines to make a bottle of Old English, and today they all took turns breaking down. Part of the problem is the lady that had been in charge of a couple of the machines retired, so there is a new kid trying to figure out what's going on and not having much luck. We usually have troubles when we switch back and forth between 8 ounce bottles and 16 ounce bottles, but this was even worse than normal. Night Mare.
Well, I have been sitting here, trying to think of something worth writing about, and not having any luck. I guess that means I should just go to bed.
Well, there isn't much to write about today, but I want to write anyway. I can't really call this the Daily Cud if I only write once or twice a week. I just don't usually have many interesting things to write about. I could bore everybody with more tales from work, but not much has happened at work, either. There have been a lot of machine problems at work. Especially on the Old English line. It takes nine machines to make a bottle of Old English, and today they all took turns breaking down. Part of the problem is the lady that had been in charge of a couple of the machines retired, so there is a new kid trying to figure out what's going on and not having much luck. We usually have troubles when we switch back and forth between 8 ounce bottles and 16 ounce bottles, but this was even worse than normal. Night Mare.
Well, I have been sitting here, trying to think of something worth writing about, and not having any luck. I guess that means I should just go to bed.
Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Imaginary Puppies
No, this isn't something the psychic told me. My dog is sick. I have a dog that's part dachshund and part chihuahua, named Little Dog. She has been acting weird lately, shaking, whimpering and crying, biting her belly and her back legs. My husband decided maybe she had worms, so he got some dog wormer from the local grain elevator. We dosed her up yesterday, but it didn't help any. I thought maybe she was getting ready to go into heat. When I 'go into heat' I cramp up, and I would bite my belly if I could reach it.
This morning my husband had enough and took her to the vet. The vet said she has imaginary puppies. I have never heard of such a thing, but apparently it's common in small dogs. She was in heat a month or two ago, and somehow her body got the idea that she was pregnant, even though she's not that kind of dog. The vet said it could have been something else, involving an abdomen full of puss, that would have killed her by now, so I'm glad she's having imaginary puppies instead. I'm just not glad it cost almost $200 to find out she's not having puppies.
No, this isn't something the psychic told me. My dog is sick. I have a dog that's part dachshund and part chihuahua, named Little Dog. She has been acting weird lately, shaking, whimpering and crying, biting her belly and her back legs. My husband decided maybe she had worms, so he got some dog wormer from the local grain elevator. We dosed her up yesterday, but it didn't help any. I thought maybe she was getting ready to go into heat. When I 'go into heat' I cramp up, and I would bite my belly if I could reach it.
This morning my husband had enough and took her to the vet. The vet said she has imaginary puppies. I have never heard of such a thing, but apparently it's common in small dogs. She was in heat a month or two ago, and somehow her body got the idea that she was pregnant, even though she's not that kind of dog. The vet said it could have been something else, involving an abdomen full of puss, that would have killed her by now, so I'm glad she's having imaginary puppies instead. I'm just not glad it cost almost $200 to find out she's not having puppies.
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Operator Error My Ass
I had a bad day at work today. I usually just wander around, putting plastic jugs on a conveyor belt, or throwing them in a big hopper that feeds a machine that puts them on the conveyor belt. Today I got stuck working on the Machine From Hell. It puts the labels on bottles of Old English furniture polish. I had the worse time trying to get the labels to go on right. There is basically a big crock pot that melts little chunks of hot glue, then a pump sucks the melted glue up to a glue bar that smears the glue onto the labels. The stupid labels wouldn't stick to the bottles. They kept falling off, or getting stuck on the glue bar and making the glue drip all over. All over except for on the rest of the labels, so then I had labels and puddles of glue all over.
The manager kept coming over and telling me how all I needed to do was adjust the glue bar, move it to the left or right. It was like doing the Hokey Pokey.
You move the glue bar in,
you move the glue bar out,
you move the glue bar in
and you shake it all about.
I kept thinking of what they say when there is a plane crash. They always start by blaming it on pilot error. I figured it was operator error, and it didn't bother me at all. I figured if I did a real shitty job maybe then I wouldn't get stuck on the Machine From Hell anymore. Then about lunch time they figured out somebody had grabbed a box of the wrong kind of glue chunks, so it wasn't operator error after all.
I had a bad day at work today. I usually just wander around, putting plastic jugs on a conveyor belt, or throwing them in a big hopper that feeds a machine that puts them on the conveyor belt. Today I got stuck working on the Machine From Hell. It puts the labels on bottles of Old English furniture polish. I had the worse time trying to get the labels to go on right. There is basically a big crock pot that melts little chunks of hot glue, then a pump sucks the melted glue up to a glue bar that smears the glue onto the labels. The stupid labels wouldn't stick to the bottles. They kept falling off, or getting stuck on the glue bar and making the glue drip all over. All over except for on the rest of the labels, so then I had labels and puddles of glue all over.
The manager kept coming over and telling me how all I needed to do was adjust the glue bar, move it to the left or right. It was like doing the Hokey Pokey.
You move the glue bar in,
you move the glue bar out,
you move the glue bar in
and you shake it all about.
I kept thinking of what they say when there is a plane crash. They always start by blaming it on pilot error. I figured it was operator error, and it didn't bother me at all. I figured if I did a real shitty job maybe then I wouldn't get stuck on the Machine From Hell anymore. Then about lunch time they figured out somebody had grabbed a box of the wrong kind of glue chunks, so it wasn't operator error after all.
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Off The Record
I am a real blogger now! I was talking with an un-named source a couple of days ago. When we got done talking, he told me he didn't want me to blog about it. I never would have thought I would be so excited to write about not being able to write about something. Other bloggers complained about their friends and relatives hushing up to keep from getting blogged on. I didn't know if it would ever happen to me, or how neat it would feel.
Just remember, you didn't read about it first here.
I am a real blogger now! I was talking with an un-named source a couple of days ago. When we got done talking, he told me he didn't want me to blog about it. I never would have thought I would be so excited to write about not being able to write about something. Other bloggers complained about their friends and relatives hushing up to keep from getting blogged on. I didn't know if it would ever happen to me, or how neat it would feel.
Just remember, you didn't read about it first here.
Monday, February 09, 2004
Birthday Girl
My birthday is tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to do anything to celebrate. I never could understand people that felt like it was somehow immoral to work on their birthday. The only time your birthday is really that important is the actual day you were born. After that it's just trivia, like the anniversary of your first date. Interesting, but not really all that special. I guess it would be more important if I was the Queen of England or something, but the world doesn't care much about little old me.
Personally, I am looking forward to getting older. I'm going to be 39 this year. Next year I'm not going to be 39 again, I'm going to be 40. Why do people want to pretend they aren't getting older? You only have two options, get older or die. I would rather get older. Not that I have anything against dying. There are a lot of really great dead people. And a lot of living assholes. Which would you rather be?
My birthday is tomorrow. I don't think I'm going to do anything to celebrate. I never could understand people that felt like it was somehow immoral to work on their birthday. The only time your birthday is really that important is the actual day you were born. After that it's just trivia, like the anniversary of your first date. Interesting, but not really all that special. I guess it would be more important if I was the Queen of England or something, but the world doesn't care much about little old me.
Personally, I am looking forward to getting older. I'm going to be 39 this year. Next year I'm not going to be 39 again, I'm going to be 40. Why do people want to pretend they aren't getting older? You only have two options, get older or die. I would rather get older. Not that I have anything against dying. There are a lot of really great dead people. And a lot of living assholes. Which would you rather be?
Saturday, February 07, 2004
Friday Five
Feb 6
1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Jeeze, I thought I led a petty dull life, but not this dull. I have been sitting here, trying to think of anything daring I have ever done, and coming up completely blank. I guess the most daring thing I can remember is sneaking out of the house when I was in high school and going to pig roast-keg party. That's the only time I can remember ever getting grounded.
2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
I would like to go to a Pagan retreat. I saw an add in a New Age magazine for one last year that sounded really neat. There was going to be workshops on all kinds of neat things. People were going to camp out, and there was even going to be a spot set aside for people who wanted to be 'skyclad', a pagan code word for being naked. When my husband saw that part he said there was no way I was going to go.
3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
About 2.5 or 3.
4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Well, the boldest thing I've done lately is buy things on Ebay. Talk about living on the edge. I have been able to learn how to read tarot cards, and maybe some day I will feel brave enough to be a professional prognosticator.
5. ... and what's the worst?
When I was in high school I started dating a boy that was a little bit of a juvenile delinquent. When I finally decided dating him wasn't such a hot idea, he didn't agree with me. Breaking up turned out to be a nightmare. He tried to stab me, but I was able to get away. It could have been a lot worse. I ended up leaving town and spending the summer with my grandparents, so there was a bright side to the whole sorry episode.
Feb 6
1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Jeeze, I thought I led a petty dull life, but not this dull. I have been sitting here, trying to think of anything daring I have ever done, and coming up completely blank. I guess the most daring thing I can remember is sneaking out of the house when I was in high school and going to pig roast-keg party. That's the only time I can remember ever getting grounded.
2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
I would like to go to a Pagan retreat. I saw an add in a New Age magazine for one last year that sounded really neat. There was going to be workshops on all kinds of neat things. People were going to camp out, and there was even going to be a spot set aside for people who wanted to be 'skyclad', a pagan code word for being naked. When my husband saw that part he said there was no way I was going to go.
3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
About 2.5 or 3.
4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Well, the boldest thing I've done lately is buy things on Ebay. Talk about living on the edge. I have been able to learn how to read tarot cards, and maybe some day I will feel brave enough to be a professional prognosticator.
5. ... and what's the worst?
When I was in high school I started dating a boy that was a little bit of a juvenile delinquent. When I finally decided dating him wasn't such a hot idea, he didn't agree with me. Breaking up turned out to be a nightmare. He tried to stab me, but I was able to get away. It could have been a lot worse. I ended up leaving town and spending the summer with my grandparents, so there was a bright side to the whole sorry episode.
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